No Taste, No Waist.

My life has always been centered around food. I was either eating too much, too little, or not good enough, according to my grandmother that is. Really what I was doing was eating too much and never healthy enough. I don't necessarily blame my parents. They always adhered to the government's food pyramid. One meat, one starch, and one vegetable on the dinner table. Unfortunately, we never really had that many fresh vegetables for dinner. While we had a lot of salad and corn on the cob, there was only canned green beans and peas, and frozen broccoli smothered in cheese. Nothing to inspire a love of veggies in a kid. In fact for the longest time I claimed to hate peas and green beans. It wasn't until I joined weight watchers and decided to give cooking and vegetables another go.

Starches consisted of some kind of potatoes or boxed rice and of course yummy pillsbury rolls. Now potatoes baked are healthy, but we smothered them in butter and cheese. Mashed potatoes...butter and milk (not from a box, thank goodness). Boxed scalloped potatoes and of course lots of Rice a Roni. I remember when I first brought hubby home for dinner, we fed him Minute Rice. He was appalled. Let's just say, a rice cooker was a wonderful gift to my parents years later. Weight Watchers changed most of that for me.....until Cookie that is. Now I get it. Boxed is quick, it's easy. There is hardly any thinking involved. But things around here must change.

Weight Watchers taught me a lot. And as I struggle to take off these post baby pounds, again, I am constantly trying to channel my old leader Char. She was awesome, one in a million, a true inspiration. So today at the gym I saw a girl wearing a t-shirt "No Taste, No Waist." I could picture Char adopting the saying and something in it hit a cord. We have been having some problems getting Cookie to eat...well at least eat healthy. What kid doesn't want cookies for breakfast and chocolate covered granola bars for lunch? While these things are great snacks, they have become food items Cookie is asking for constantly. I hate to be the food police with her, but sugar for breakfast and lunch is not acceptable. She has been refusing to eat. Meals have become a fight. And as a result of her not eating dinner and sometimes lunch, she is not sleeping well.

I get that this new food problem is about control. I am concerned that she is going to form food issues. As it stands our kid is anorexic. She has lost almost 2 pounds! Of course if I gave her nothing but sugary foods she'd eat it. But, I can not force her to eat. So instead I decided that I need to be a better example. I need to plan better. And I need to be a healthier eater for her. Weekly lunch and dinner's are now planned....fruit is included in breakfast and lunch. And vegetables are with dinner. I am forgoing those boxed rice and potato sides and making my own. Now that Jelly is older and a little bit more predictable (until she isn't, she's now rolling and almost crawling!!!!) I am able to plan better. We all get inspiration from many places and I have to say that the First Lady Michelle Obama inspired me to be a little more proactive in Cookie's food health. She talked about her kids gaining a bit of weight and little changes go a long way. So hopefully with some changes, Cookie will learn to eat healthy without knowing it.

I am in love with Hubby all over again

Let's be Frank, sometimes I don't like Hubby much, but this morning I was reminded why I fell in love with him. My Dad, who always had good intentions, was never the protective type. If one of us kids were "wronged" it was my Mom who became indignant. Mamma Bear reigned supreme in our household. Dad just seemed indifferent. Of course, not having an older brother, I did not get to experience the over protective big brother, who takes care of little sister either.

I think I would have loved to have some strong man to protect me. So the fact that my husband fulfills that role really makes me feel...all gooey inside. This morning, when that brother of the friend I mentioned in an earlier post made a rude comment regarding me on facebook (I have now deleted him as a friend completely, before I just blocked his updates)....my husband eloquently and pointedly told the jerk where he could take his comments. I was definitely turned on. It made me feel loved and respected, and beautiful. Hubby's ability to find some one's weakness and exploit it is truly a gift. His ability to say just the right thing to make someone cry is unfounded. So, when he uses said gift in my defense, when he protects me, I am overwhelmed.

So today I am reminded why I am in love with my husband.

I Am Being Stalked

I am being stalked. I am sure that some of you might remember the Mom who tends to shadow every place I enroll Cookie in. The mom that I love to hate. The "perfect" mom with the "perfect" kid. The Mom who smugly told me that "her daughter was just soooo excited about becoming a sister" when I voiced my problems with Cookie's sleep patterns when we first got Jelly Bean's crib and room set up.

Frankly, I am not sure why this mom rubs me the wrong way. Maybe a little jealousy at her ease of making friends in the activities I enrolled Cookie in, when I didn't. Maybe it was the condescending tone she used when I complimented her daughter's adorable hairdo. Maybe she is a little too much like me. Both of us seem to want to be in control and I might admit to maybe wanting to be a little center of attention. So maybe we just can not possibly be in the same group because both of us need to occupy the same title in a group setting and it just can not happen.

So imagine my surprise when I found out from another Mom (her very closest friend) in one of Cookie's "play" class that this Mom was considering the same preschool as we are. I mean, there are over 20 preschools in town, and she is considering the one that I love. The one that we are probably going to enroll Cookie in. While on the surface this might not seem too bad, but it might be. You see, the school is a co-op, and we are required to assist in the classroom. And it is a small school. They only enroll a total of 12 kids....so we would have to work together. I have in the past managed to befriend and work with my arch enemies because, well I had to. I was paid to. It was my career. So, for Cookie, I of course would do anything, be anything, and I will work with anyone for her. I will suck it up and learn to love this Mom. Maybe we could become friends....but I'm not holding my breath.

Stir Crazy Crafting

Last year about this time, I remember reading a post on the local Mom's site about a mother who felt she was going slowly insane playing play dough and painting over and over and over again to the point that if she had to sculpt one more play dough ball she was going to scream. She was begging us other mom's for other ideas on how to entertain her toddler during the winter....which always about this time, seems as if it has lasted forever and will never end.

Yes, the downside to living in a place with four seasons is the long winter days. The days where it is too cold, too wet, or too windy to venture outdoors with the little ones. The days that seem to last forever. I had responded to the mom with some suggestions on getting out and about or some new craft projects she could do, while sympathizing and agreeing with her.

Of course, like any public forum, there is always someone out there who disagrees with you, someone who likes to provoke discord. In this particular case, it was a woman who decided I should be eligible for the world's worst mother award for saying that I "felt the mother's pain" of bordom . While I wanted to respond, I knew that the posts back and forth would continue, so I took the high road and just told her that her comments were "meant to provoke" and that no further response would be coming. Other mothers jumped to my defense, but I was really angered by this person's comments, and decided to start blogging. While it took me a while to really start my own blog, the idea was planted....mostly because of my playgroup friends, but really I needed a place to put down my thoughts and vent.

So in honor of those housebound mom's who are feeling a bit stir crazy, the following project is for you. Cookie and I started making place mattes this year for Thanksgiving and now we haven't stopped. I had recalled sitting at my Grandmother's kitchen table as a little girl and eating on her place mattes. The one's she created from old greeting cards. I am not sure if they were actual cards she had received or cards she had acquired while working at the gift shop at a hospital, but I loved to look at them. I remembered them when wracking my brain trying to come up with new projects for Cookie and me to create this winter. The best thing is....you can make them to any theme you want. Lately we have just been printing out coloring pages from Cookie's favorite shows' websites. She colors them, I cut them out, she pastes them to a large piece of construction paper, and finally I cut and peel the contact paper and voila, place mattes that will please any toddler.

Place Matte

Items Needed:
Contact Paper Roll
Scissors
construction paper
Glue Stick
Crayons
Coloring Book pages (or any other themed pictures)

1. Color and then Cut out Color book pages
2. glue to Construction paper. Let Dry
3. Cut Contact Paper to Construction paper size, leaving an inch to two inches around edges. Cut two sheets. Start to peel paper off Contact paper, then place finished construction paper face down onto Contact paper (leaving about an inch edge) gradually peeling the contact paper and smoothing out. Do the same to the other side. Cut edges to be even.














Handy Manny, Yo Gabba Gabba, and Mickey Mouse and Friends. One of our Thanksgiving Mats. We cut out leaves and Cookie glued them down.















Christmas Card Mats. If you don't see yours then we got it after New Years.

Compassion or Hypocricy?

I was quite reluctant to start using Facebook at first. I was a little nervous about the privacy and maybe just a little reluctant to re-connect with some people. It does make it a little awkward when one is "friended" by someone they don't quite want to be friended by. For some it's their parents. Or maybe that old high school flame. For the most part it has been a fun experience for me. But I think I have really gotten to know some people's true feeling via the anonymity and the actual faceless nature of conversations. People who are more conservative than I knew, or more religious sometimes caught me off guard. And I did find it a little unnerving to re-connect with the parents of some of my friends, which may border on the creepy depending on whom we're talking about.

There is one person whom "friended" me that at the time I thought was a little weird, since we never quite got along. A person who I thought was kinda a jerk growing up. It was my friend's older brother. On the outside it seemed like he finally had gotten his act together. He is married with two daughters. He seemed to have found God and Jesus and I was hoping a less than A-hole character that he had as a teen. That maybe he had turned around. But, he still makes the same off color comments, the same rude, racist, and sexist remarks that make me cringe. So, today, I am turning him off. Usually I can tune these people out, but yesterday I had it.

Here's the thing, his comments yesterday were not sexist, or even racist, I think they were just cold hearted and political and it made me sick. He was pissed off that the United States, IE: Obama, was promising to send $100 million in aid to Haiti. I know that his reasoning is sound. Yes the United States is in a hole so big, that even black holes in space have hole envy. I know that unemployment and the economy here in the States is dire. That the fact that more and more people are facing homelessness and poverty is astronomical. The idea that we even have $100 million to send is ridiculous....but just the same. We are talking about the Western Hemisphere's poorest nation. These are people who have little to nothing and now nature has come and smacked them down. I believe that before nationality, before race, or sex, we as a people must help each other. The people of Haiti have no food, no water, no electricity. Their government has been broken, the people who are trained to help have either been hurt themselves or are dealing with their own losses. Our country and our people have the resources and the ability to help and we should. We would hope and pray the same kind of compassion for our own...which we failed to do after Hurricane Katrina.

But I remember the 1994 earthquake in California. I remember sleeping in the tent outside the house because we were too scared to go in. I remember going to the stores to stand in line for milk and bread. We were out electricity and water for two days. I can only imagine the feeling of the people in Haiti to be ten fold of what we felt. But I remember my Dad rushing in to my brother's room as he was leaving for work when the quake hit to protect and cover him. I remember the apartment building in the Valley crushing and killing people. The 5 freeway collapsing. I remember the fear. I may not be religious, but I know that the Bible, the Koran, and the Torah all teach compassion and alms giving. The Hypocrisy of the people shouting to take care of our own while quoting the Bible is not wasted on me. We must take care of each other, no matter who we are or where we live. As a mother, I can not watch the news and hear more and more stories of children stuck in the rubble. I can no longer watch the desolation and desperation on the faces of other mothers. If that was one of my girls, I would hope that someone out there, with the resources I needed to rescue them. I am fortunate to live in the United States, where when Balloon Boy is reported flying over the county, that the government can deploy the National Guard to help.

Maybe I shouldn't judge other people's sense of morality.

The Saboteur

I have been a weight watcher now for almost ten years. It is hard to believe it has been that long since my first journey to losing weight. And I mean really truly losing weight and working to understand my "food" issues. Because they are big.

One of my biggest problems is "the saboteur." The person who always works to ruin my resolve. The person who buys the chocolate chips because, "we might need to make cookies" or the person who has to eat the whole thing because "it would just be wasteful to throw out food". Yes, the saboteur. I hate the saboteur. Today when Cookie announced upon waking up that she wanted to "make cookies." The saboteur said, "Yes, let's make cookies." And the saboteur was thinking, "she asked so nicely and with such a smile, how can I say no."

Yes, I confess, I am the saboteur. I am my worst enemy. I continually make excuses. What is so sad is that I thought I conquered the saboteur. I thought I slayed her almost ten years ago on my first weight loss journey. But apparently I only locked the saboteur in the closet and forgot to throw away the key. Well no more, the saboteur must be stopped. She must be quieted. There is that old saying, "A moment on the lips a lifetime on the hips." But I prefer to remind myself of what I learned in one of my WW meetings. The food is not going to serve me any better in my stomach than in the trash. It is actually more wasteful for me to consume the food and then have to work it off than tossing it.

I don't believe in New Year's resolutions, but I do believe in making promises to oneself. When I first decided that I no longer wanted to be overweight, I took weight loss in small steps. First, I resolved to exercise and make it a habit. Once that was done and gym membership bought, the next step was to start eating right. That is when I joined Weight Watchers. I then resolved to fit into a certain pair of jeans, then, I wanted to be able to shop at Ann Taylor and be able to pick anything and look good. Once that was accomplished the rest was easy. Unfortunately I am back to square one, and really lacking some motivation. Yes, I hate how my body looks. Yes, I hate that extra roll that appeared with baby number two and is not going down. But having two kids makes me want to eat chocolate and sugar......all the time! Maybe once I can have caffeine that jolt that the sugar gives me will be replaced.

Anyway, I have made the first step by rejoining the gym and going no matter what twice a week...which I think I need to increase to at least 3 days. My next step is to eat more healthy. I have gotten away from that. It really is not that hard, I have just gotten lazy. But first, The Saboteur must be stopped!

Potato and Corn Bacon Chowder

Being a Stay At Home Mom has allowed me to hone my cooking skills. No offense Mom, but, I really didn't learn too much about cooking growing up. Sure Mom showed me how to measure and how to follow a recipe, but cooking really has been a learning process with me. I am lucky in the fact that Hubby is generally great at everything and that includes cooking and baking and sewing. He can mend rings around me. So, in the process of learning to cook, hubby has really been patient and has given some helpful tips.

What is amazing is that even though hubby is the better cook, I have taken up the cooking reigns around our home. I guess that comes with being "Suzie Homemaker." A title I have come to love and hate. Anyway per the suggestion of hubby many moons ago, I turned to allrecipies.com in order to find some new stuff to cook. I guess hubby was just tired of the three things my Mom taught me to cook: Spaghetti, beef stroganoff, and pot roast. So my Potato Bacon Chowder is actually a recipe I improved upon one day while staying at my Mom's. My Dad had asked me to make something for dinner, so I made a shrimp Mac n Cheese and the following Chowder both inspired by allrecipies, but I think improved upon by me. What really makes the following so good, is the addition of the cream corn (a result of not having an item the recipe originally called for.)

Potato and Corn Bacon Chowder

2-3 cups of peeled, cubed potatoes (any kind)
1-2 cups of water
8 bacon strips
1 cup chopped onion
1/2 cup chopped celery
1/2 cup carrot peeled and chopped
1 (10.75 oz.) can condensed cream of ckn soup
1 can of cream corn
1 cup milk (approx. I just pour the milk into the emptied cream of ckn soup can for measure)
1 cup of sour cream
1/2 tsp salt
pepper to taste
1 tbsp minced parsley (optional)

1. In a large soup pot, cook the potatoes in the water. (use enough to just cover, then add about
1/2 a cup more).

2. Meanwhile cook the bacon in a skillet until crisp; remove to paper towels to drain. In same
skillet, saute onion, celery, and carrot in the drippings until tender, drain.

3. Add the onion, celery, and carrot to the undrained potatoes. Stir in the soup, corn, milk,
sour cream, salt and pepper. Cook over a low heat to simmer until the soup reaches a
consistancy you like. (I love to simmer this down to a nice thick chowder, where the
potatoes are really creamy. Usually at least 2 hours. But you can even cook for about 30 min
and then enjoy).

4. Crumble in half the bacon and stir into the soup along w/ the parsley if so desired. Sprinkle
the rest of the bacon over the top of each bowl.

Guilty feeling

Went to the gym today and was feeling pretty good about it. But have you ever had that niggling feeling in the back of your head that you forgot something or something is wrong? Call it woman's intuition or whatever, but I sometimes get those feeling. And often I ignore them. I usually dismiss that feeling as my paranoia or silly worry worting (I made a new word so sue me.) Unfortunately my "feeling" is usually dead spot on. I could give examples, but that would be a huge digression.

The first time I went to the gym, I dragged my phone around with me. Fearful that Hubby would need to call me in regards to a screaming kid, thus ending my trips to the gym. But no such event happened and I started leaving it in the car. Here was my thinking. I once had my gym locker broken into, and so now I never leave anything but the car keys, which is ridiculous because they could just go outside and steal the car, but at least that's insured. I also figured if anything was really wrong and he couldn't get me on the cell, he'd call the gym and have me paged or found or something.

I forgot one thing, Hubby tends to loose all sort of brain function when there is a crying baby. He literally shuts down and can not think straight. I think we have all been there...but he is especially prone to this phenomenon. So, of course today, Jelly Bean woke about 30 minutes after I left and was "starving" (which was crazy because I had only fed her an hour before). Hubby text messaged me asking if the milk I had frozen in the freezer was still good, and of course I had missed the text. What gets me is that I have fresh milk in the fridge, did he not look in the fridge? So about 45 minutes after the text, I called him back and said that there was milk in the fridge. By the time I got home, Jelly was still crying and hubby was beside himself, trying to feed her from a bottle with a nipple and a top that did not fit together. Of course I was left feeling pretty guilty.

But in the end, much of this debacle is Hubby's fault. First of all, why did he not think to look in the fridge? Second it is his fault really that Jelly will not take a bottle. He refused to feed her from one at the beginning and she would not take one when I held her. Third, why didn't he just give her rice cereal? Really no imagination whatsoever.

However, that mother's guilt leaves me blaming myself. I was stupid to leave the phone in the car. I had that feeling today when I left it there. I even thought, "maybe I should bring it." On the drive over to the gym I also thought, "Hubby knows there's milk in the fridge right? He would know to just give her cereal, right?" Ohh I should have told him.

As a result, Jelly cried for a good hour. She went hungry for all of an hour and a half, but was eventually fed and was happy. Oh, and Hubby gave me the silent treatment for an hour. But I still feel guilty like I should have known.

Why don't I keep Chocolate in the house?

After consuming a bag of semi-sweet chocolate chips I had resolved to stop keeping chocolate in the house. It is just too tempting and too dangerous. Of course this resolution happens to coincide with return of Aunt Flo. So after desperately searching my pantry high and low for that chocolate fix....leaving me wondering "why the hell don't I keep chocolate in the house?" I remembered my little niggling resolution and the embarrassing consumption of the bag (okay two of them...not in one sitting thank you....over a period of a week).

But really I was desperate for chocolate and couldn't figure out why...when that lovely monthly visitor returned after a little over a year absence. I've been wondering when she'd return. I've been dreading it. But I should have known. The night sweats are back in force and I've been quite bitchy all week. Not to mention the short lived cleaning spurt. So why don't I keep chocolate in the house. I just can't say no. I even went so far as to bake a cake, although a lemon cake, in a failed attempt to feed my craving. While this sugary confection choice kept me from consuming an entire cake in two days, it has not curbed me from eating it.

I must confess I caved and bought myself a chocolate bar. But not just any chocolate, I bought Godiva milk chocolate. I know most people prefer dark chocolate, and it's supposed to be better for you, but I love milk chocolate. Under normal circumstances, I may have eaten the thing quickly. However, I had to hide eating it from Cookie, not because I didn't want her having chocolate, because I didn't want to share. Thank heavens for the chocolate at the checkout stand at Kohl's...otherwise I was a little afraid I was going to turn to the baking chocolate.

Christmas rocks

Okay, I am not religious. I have serious questions about God, about Jesus as the savior, and pretty much any other religious belief that exists out there. But I must admit, I have taken the Christ out of Christmas. I love Christmas. In my house we celebrate the season of giving, Santa, and the gift of winter. For Easter, I tell Charlotte that we are celebrating Spring and all it has to offer, and the Easter Bunny of course. So maybe just maybe I will need to do a little educating about the holidays, but I can't seriously stick to just plain Jesus. My history background forces me, no guides me into seeing the whole truth of the celebrations we know today. So the syncretism of the birth of Jesus, with the druid beliefs in the Winter Solstice, with the Roman and Greek Gods is something I can not get past. But, I still love Christmas.

I love the lights, the smells, the trees, the gingerbread men, the secret gift hiding, the baking, the cooking, the drinking, and even the crazy shopping. When I taught school, I used to decorate my classroom for winter. I had snowmen and gingerbread men, and snowflakes. I also threw in a Christmas tree and a Menorah on the Calendar. While I have serious issues with the Roman Catholic Church, I must recognize their canny ability to create great holidays by combining all the fun things from other religions with theirs. What great salesmen and how do I hire them? Who doesn't love the Christmas tree, candles, and good food. Not to mention a Saint who brings presents. I love Christmas.

I especially love seeing Cookie excited about Christmas. We may have to work on teaching her how not to be so greedy since she keeps adding toys to her list of things she wants. I really stuck to a budget this year and was proud of how I was able to stop buying, even though a bed tent, more train tracks, a Sesame Street Shirt, an Abbey doll and much more were asked for and not bought. But it will be an exciting Christmas morning. She has already begun the shifting through of gifts and seeing how many she has verses her sister. ( my favorite past time). She likes to guess what is in them, and generally Christmas can not come too soon for her. Ohh yes, I love Christmas, and so does Cookie.

Christmas Rocks

I am a new woman

Those of us who have had the joy of pregnancy know that an amazing thing happens post pardon. The hair fall out. All that beautiful pregnancy hair begins to fall out in clumps. It clogs the drains, the vacuum, and gets into just about everything. For Thanksgiving, I made sure to braid my hair and wear a bandanna to keep from getting hair in any of the food. ( which caused one of those OHHH GOD!!!! I'm my Mother moments). And not only is there the massive hair loss, but the massive hair damage from all of those hair ties and clips one puts their hair up in to keep out of the way post baby. Really, with a new born, who has time to do their hair, let alone brush their teeth? So now four months later, things have calmed down, we have established a nice routine, and I am ready to get my body back.

My lovely wonderful neighbor offered to watch Cookie one day last week, so I dropped Cookie off, told hubby that Jelly Bean was being left with him and I was going to get a hair cut. Jelly is napping pretty good now, plus she is no longer eating every two hours, so it was time for Hubby and Jelly to bond a little. Now, I can never really tell if something will pan out or not, so I did not make a hair appointment. Instead, I just showed up at a random hair salon as a walk in. And I am a new woman. It is amazing how just a little hair cut and an hour will do to one's Psyche. Hubby saw how much it helped my "attitude" that he went and got me signed up at the gym and told me to take some time each week to go, that he could work it out and give me some time.

So, not only do I have a nice new hair cut, but I have been the gym twice this week. Even though I am tired, I still feel great. I really really really missed the gym the last two years. I like it so much, I even love the drive to and from the gym. A quiet car ride without a talking, crying, or screaming kid is heaven. I am a new woman......now I just have to work on eating a little healthier and I am there.

Santa Arts and Craft Bag

Here is a fun arts and crafts project Cookie and I did together. All you need is some tacky glue, red and pink construction paper, a plain gift bag (white or brown will work), a pair of googly eyes, a glue stick, and cotton balls.



First, cut out a rectangular piece of the red construction paper and glue it to the top part of the bag. Cookie was able to put the glue down and then help me put the paper down.















Then glue a cotton ball at the top right hand corner of the red. I placed a dollop of the tacky glue to the spot and had Cookie put the cotton ball on it. I then drew a circle where the Santa face should be and glued on the eyes.














Finally glue the cotton balls around the face for a beard and hair. Cut out a pink circle for a nose and glue down.














Now you have a cute Santa bag to put handmade goodies in for gifts or a nice centerpiece at your Christmas table.

Banana Apple Bread

If you like Banana bread this is a sure thing recipe. I found it years ago and make it often. Hubby often complains when I make it because he is not that big of a banana fan, so I started adding the applesauce as a way to make it less banana-y. You can add more bananas and eliminate the applesauce, or reduce the bananas and add more applesauce. Below is the recipe I prefer, but feel free to change it up. I would love to include a picture, which I actually took, and it came out great, but I have been having some issues uploading the images fromt he camera to the computer. But trust me, this is a good recipe.

Ingredients
2 bananas
1/2 cup of unsweetened applesauce (I just use one of the individualized cups)
1/3 cup of butter melted
1 egg, beaten
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp vanilla
1 cup sugar
1 1/2 cups flour
1 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp nutmeg
dash of salt
1 tbsp of raw or turbano sugar

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees
2. Mix bananas and applesauce together. Add the melted butter, beaten egg, baking soda, and
vanilla.Mix well. ( I just put all in my mixer and set at low as I add)
3. Mix in Sugar and then flour a half cup at a time.
4, Add the salt, cinnamon and nutmeg. Mix
5.Pour into a greased bread pan, or into a cupcake tin w/ liners. sprinkle the raw or turbano
sugar over the top. (Hubby loves to just eat the tops of the muffins when I make them that
way)
6. Bake 1 hour at 375 degrees or until a toothpick inserted in center comes out clean (I actually
use a spaghetti noodle, as they are cheap, whereas toothpicks are expensive.)

Christmas Traditions

The one neat thing about marriage, is the blending of traditions of two families. I am sure that forming one's own family traditions can be filled with some head butting between husband and wife. I have friends who have struggled to accept some of their husband's family's traditions. Like trimming the tree on Christmas Eve instead of sometime in early December. Real vs. Fake, Flocked or unflocked...Or even the argument about what to have for Christmas dinner.

I guess I am lucky, Hubby's family really has no Christmas traditions. So, for the most part, anything I suggest is accepted by hubby. Open one gift on Christmas Eve (pajamas), trim the tree and put up lights the day after Thanksgiving, (only if Hubby is up to it), a toothbrush in the stocking (he's lukewarm to this). Christmas cut out cookies.....made and eaten in two days. These traditions leave me feeling all warm and fuzzy. Maybe it's because my parents really made an effort to make the season special. But a house full of Christmas decorations and cookies really stands out in my mind.

Hubby admitted to me that he has really enjoys the fact that I have made it a priority in providing the kids with wonderful, warm, traditions . It's nice to see Cookie, for the first time really really excited about Christmas. While at the drug store, I noticed that they had Advent Calendars. The old school German kind, the kind I had as a kid. The kind with the really cheap chocolate. The pictures are exactly the same as when I had them too. So, of course, I had to buy one for Cookie. Every morning, since December 1st, the first words out of her mouth is, "may I please open a new door." to her calendar. Of course her excitement is for the chocolate, but watching her allows me to recall all those feelings of love and happiness that I had as a kid. I am hopeful that she, too, will look back to her childhood with the same warm feelings.

Each year, my Mom also bought each of us kids a new ornament for the tree. When I moved to Colorado, I brought all those ornaments with me. For the last four years, as I have decorated our tree, I have been able to recall little pieces of each Christmas in my childhood. So I have carried on the same tradition with my children. Starting with Cookie's first Christmas. I found silver picture frame ornaments on clearance and bought 18 of them. I think they were about $2 each. So, each Christmas I have the year engraved and put a picture of Cookie in one. I have enough to last until she reaches 18. Now I am searching the stores to buy 18 similar ornaments for Jelly Bean. My plan is to have two ornaments for each of the girls, the picture frame, and a special one that represents something that reminds me of each one for the year. This year I bought Cookie a Thomas the Train Engine ornament. Jelly got a Baby's First Christmas.

Traditions are really those comforting things we do to remind ourselves what is important. Whether it is eating dirty rice at Thanksgiving (as our friends do), watching home movies Christmas Eve, or trimming the Christmas tree with a special tree topper, traditions should give each of us the feeling of home.

Lovely Lemon Bar Cookies

So I am participating in a Cookie exchange over at EvolvingMommy.com .





The good thing about this cookie exchange, is that it is only a recipe exchange, so you don't have to eat a bunch of cookies, you only have to read about all of these yummy recipes and then avoid making them. Almost impossible I know. I am already contemplating and thinking about the ones I have already read about. So here is my recipe stolen /borrowed from one of my favorite authors, Hannah Swenson. I just love those food/mystery books that provide the lovely recipes in the back of the books. If you ever want food inspiration and something nice to curl up with, I suggest either Joanna Fluke or Hannah Swenson. I made this recipe a couple years ago when I thought it was smart to avoid making anything chocolate, for fear of consuming the whole batch in just a day. I dare you to avoid eating more than one.

Lovely Lemon Bar Cookies

2 cups flour
1 cup cold butter (2 sticks)
1/2 cup of powdered sugar

4 eggs beaten
2 cups white sugar
8 tbsp lemon juice (1 cup)
1 tsp of lemon zest (optional)
1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp baking powder
4 tbsp flour (1/4 cup)

1. Preheat Oven to 350 rack in middle position
2. Cut each stick of butter into eight pieces. Mix with flour and the powdered sugar in a food processor until it looks like coarse cornmeal. Spread it out in a greased 9 x 13 in pan and pat it down with your hands
3. Bake at 350 degrees for 15 to 20 minutes or until golden around the edges. Remove from oven (LEAVE OVEN ON!!)
4. Mix your eggs with white sugar. Add lemon juice (and zest if you so wish). Add salt and
baking powder and mix. Then add flour and mix thoroughly. (will be runny).
5. Pour this mixture on top of the pan you just baked and stick it back in the oven. Bake at 350
degrees for another 30-35 minutes. Then remove from oven and sprinkle on additional
powdered sugar.
6. Let it cool thoroughly and cut into brownie-sized bars.

Hope you enjoy!

http://www.spiceymom.blogspot.com/?zx=d91e29a4c2cdb95c

Picture Perfect

Have you ever tried to get the perfect picture? I mean we all know that it is close to impossible at the DMV or a school picture. But is it too much to ask for one perfect picture of both my kids together? I would love love love, to have one where they are both smiling, both are in cute little outfits, and both are in the most adorable pose.

While in L.A. my sister and I got the kids together for a cousins picture. We even managed to match the kids in Christmas outfits. We made sure to feed them before said picture. So when it came time for picture time, my dear Cookie decided that she just was not going to cooperate. She would not wear that dress, she did not want to put on that shirt, and those socks were just awful. A full blown tantrum ensued. Of course my sister, whose two kids were the picture of perfect behavior (for once), was trying to rationalise with her. And any of you who have or have had a 2 year old knows that this is impossible. Needless to say, I strong armed Cookie into her matching clothes. The pictures actually turned out okay, but I really wanted one with my two girls and Cookie did not cooperate. Her blankie, better known as "Neh Neh" was pushed up to her mouth and nose in every one. I guess they were so bad that the picture lady didn't even show it to me...although I probably would have bought it.

So with the holidays looming I have been trying and failing to get a good picture of the kids together for holiday cards. Cookie has decided that she loves her Dora nightie and only wants to wear it. This obsession (maybe she gets this from her dad) is so bad that leaving the house has become a fight. Her not wanting to leave because it would mean taking off her Dora, me pulling the thing off amidst tears and screams. Now normally I would just let her wear it out, but it is ten degrees out and the nightie is thin short sleeved polyester. So every time I even mention that I would like a nice picture of her and sister in front of the tree in their Christmas outfits, tears appear.

I am wondering if I will ever get that picture. I also tried getting one with Santa....let's just say tears from both girls and no picture. I even had managed to convince Cookie to wear something different...a matching outfit with sister. So I have included the picture I managed to take of the kids together. Picture Perfect? More like Picture acceptable.

Thanksgiving

This is the second Thanksgiving I have ever spent away from my Mom. The first was years ago, when Hubby's (then boyfriend) Mom invited me to meet them and spend Thanksgiving with them. That Thanksgiving was full of nervous anticipation. It was also a little weird.

First of all, my in-laws are not from the United States, they are Korean. So the fact that my Mother in Law cooked me a Thanksgiving meal really meant a lot. According to hubby, they never had Thanksgiving dinner. It was a little awkward, as my Korean is subpar, their English is heavily accented, and my future brother in law also brought his girlfriend (whom the parents had never met, also). There were not enough regular chairs, they had to bring out a stool from the garage and an office chair. Also of interest was the addition of Kim Chee, white rice, and pickles to the feast. It was also the first time I had ever had mashed potatoes out of a box (if you discount school lunches). So, first Thanksgiving away was weird, but I really hit it off with my future mother in law.

This Thanksgiving, hubby and I decided to stay home instead of flying to L.A. The last three years we have traveled and it was really, really stressful. The first year because of the dog. The second and third because we had Cookie. There were so many obligations to meet with family and friends that Cookie and us really were stressed. So this year, with two kids, we opted out for the Thanksgiving travel.

We invited some wonderful friends for dinner. They spent last Christmas with us, and we had a great time and so did the kids. I enjoyed being able to cook for them too. Our friends are expecting their third child and the wife had to work until 4:00. So the idea of being able to give them a break was fulfilling. Not to mention that my dinner turned out great. I like to give that credit to my Mom for showing me how it is done after all these years, yes I did learn something.

While we had the traditional Turkey, and stuffing. I strayed a little from my Mom's Thanksgiving meals. I made the Yams and Cranberry Sauce (which I forgot to put out) and I made carrots instead of green bean casserole. I also got to enjoy our friend's tradition of "dirty" rice. The kids had a great time playing, they even ate a little.

But a blog that I really did not mean to be about me turned into that. Really it is about an old friend of mine, whose Sister In Law suffered a horrendous car accident. She has four children and each day is touch and go. And as we enjoyed our Thanksgiving dinner and watched the kids play, I realized how lucky I was. My friend's family is suffering one of my worst fears. My first fear is of course losing one of my children. The second is losing my husband or dying myself and leaving my kids without a parent...or worse both of us. After having Cookie, I suffered a little post pardem, besides the slight depression I had horrible fantasies of my husband dying. These fantasies were paralyzing. I think making friends and connections in town finally brought me out of that dark place, but this one family is facing a long and dark road. So as I have been putting together Cookie's Christmas gifts, a thought occurred to me. This mother who is lying in the hospital most likely had been putting together her list for her kids. A list that will not be fulfilled. I can imagine what agony it is for that mother to think that her kids might lose her, to think that forever their Christmas's might be blighted by mommy's injury. I contacted my friend and asked if I could buy the kids some gifts so that they would not wake up Christmas morning without gifts. So that their mom can concentrate on recovery and not her children's Christmas. I know that if it was my children I would want them to have some sort of Christmas, to see Santa at work, to let them know that they are not forgotten. This year I am Thankful for our health and good fortune. I am thankful that I can afford to offer this family something. I am hopeful that mother will recover and be able to embrace her children for Christmas.

Short lived Obsession

My husband is a bit fickle. That is, he's fickle when it comes to his obsessions. He has this habit of falling in love with some sport or activity to the point of obsession, but for short bursts of time. Okay, maybe a couple years is not so short a time, but it is when it means obtaining a plethora of equipment.

Of course each of his obsessions cost a heady sum. First there was paintball. When I met my husband....oh 15 years ago, he was really into paintball. Many a times we would end up at the paintball store. He talked of nothing but paintball. Obtaining the newest, coolest paintball gun.

Scuba Diving. This obsession included the wet suit (two), tanks, vest, dive computer, knife, net, spear, flippers, bag, goggles, and not to be forgotten the boat. He actually bought a boat with a friend.

Next was bowling. He spent hours upon hour at the bowling alley. Equipment tally: 5 bowling balls....plus one for me and a pair of shoes. Okay, the bowling thing was fun and it is nice to not have to borrow the yucky alley shoes and have a ball that is comfortable.

My not so favorite was RC cars. There was a constant cache of parts everywhere in our tiny 900 square foot apartment. He had to have tho cars, parts, gas, oil, parts box, folding table for the RC driving ventures. Specific comfortable clothing. Yes, the list can go on. There was constant fixing, oiling, testing, and cursing.

An attempt at snowboarding, where not only did he get a snazzy new board, boots, jacket, pants, and goggles, he bought me a board and boots. But this did not last long. First, it took forever to get to any skiing (while living in both CA. and CO.) Second, I ended up hating it. Third, I got pregnant soon after moving to Colorado and the idea of him leaving for ski trips was not popular with me.

Cycling. This sport I love. He got into shape and it gave him an outlet for some of the pent up frustrations he tends to harbor and hold inside. Bonus was that it became a way for us as a family to get out together. We were able to take Cookie in the trailer and go all around town. Cycling has morphed into a great sport, exercise, and challenge for him. He has entered and participated in two tri-athelons and now has taken up mountain biking. This venture has also allowed him to make friends and meet new people.

I have been wondering when the new obsession would come to pass, and it has happened. He has decided that he wants to go camping. While on vacation in L.A. him and a buddy went camping. So now he needs all kinds of new gear. Tent, sleeping bags (yes I said bags, as in more than one.), stove, flashlights, food, hand gel, etc. etc.

I just laugh at his many many obsessions. Because when he find a new one, he is like our two year old with a new toy. He lives, eats, and breaths it. And I must admit, while the spending of the money drives me crazy, he could be doing a whole lot worse with his time and money.

Mentor

Sometimes it takes just one person to really change the course of your life. Sometimes it takes just one person to take the time to take you under their wing for you to succeed. When I first started taking classes at CSUN, I was a bit lost. I did not know how to write historically, I did not know what kind of history I really wanted to study, and I did not know how the system really worked. I was lucky though, my professors were awesome. Each taking a special interest in my studies. One professor in particular took the extra care to encourage me to apply for scholarship after scholarship, writing letters of recommendation, and I believe influencing some of the panels deciding who was awarded. Without his help, I would have struggled to pay for college. With his help, I finished, debt free.

Today, I received the History Department newsletter. It was a bittersweet read. My Master's teacher, Dr. Andrews has moved back to Colorado and is now a professor at the University of Colorado, Denver. This move thrills me, as he is now close, and maybe, just maybe, I can take one or two classes with him to meet the requirements to renew my teaching credential. Plus, he was a wonderful mentor and teacher. Bittersweet, because after being momentarily elated of this news, I read on the next page that my former professor, Dr. Gerald Prescott had died. So I am a little saddened at the loss of a great man, a great historian, and a great mentor. Because of Dr. Prescott, I learned to write, to view the history of the West differently, and I finished school. I am not sure he realized how many students he must have influenced, but I know that I was at least afforded the opportunity to tell him how great he was a few years back.

Both of these teachers are examples of what teachers should be. They remind me as to why I became a teacher, as to why I one day, would like to go back to my career. Everyone in their life should be so lucky to have had a wonderful mentor, let alone two. So in this week of Thanksgiving, I am thankful to these two men and the countless other teachers out there.

Dr. Magoo

Anyone who knows me, knows that I recently visited my family and friends in California. Of course it was a trip anxiously anticipated by Cookie. A visit to Nana, playing with Slugger (Nana's dog), seeing the cousins, and a visit to Sea World. Hubby loves this annual trip because he gets a break from it all. The wife, the kids, and for the most part work. He gets to hang with his best bud and detox from the craziness that is our home. I get to see my friends and family, and get a little break with some help from Mom. Or that was the plan. On this trip my poor little babies both got sick this vacation.

Normally Cookie getting sick does not cause me much concern, other than the normal feel really bad for her and horrible that I can't do much to make it go away. But with the swine flu going around I was more worried than normal. I have a firm belief that if Cookie was to get the H1N1, she would weather it just fine. It is Jelly Bean that worries me the most, being so little.
So normally I would not panic. However, things were different.

1. I was not at home, near my doctor, who knows my kids.
2. My husband was not there to keep me sane. I mean he was a phone call away and would have come if I really needed him, but not having him there at two a.m. when Cookie is crying and holding her head while Jelly Bean wakes up was stressful.
3. I had my Mom feeding the panic. In her defense the memory of a 3 day hospital stay for my brother when he was three and had the croup trumps all sense of calm.
4. I had all of these horrible visions of not being able to get home or take Cookie to Sea World like we had promised.

So, I ended up taking the kids to my Mom's doctor's office, on two different occasions. The group has two pediatricians. On the first visit, Cookie was "ill". Of course she makes a total liar out of me, her fever by ten a.m. had gone down to 100 and she was dancing and singing. The doctor she saw seemed competent enough. He reminded me of a cartoon character with a bushy moustache. For some reason I kept picturing Sylvester the Cat. He made Donald Duck sounds and bird noises. Diagnosis, Charlotte was fine, had a bug or something. His answer, give me the H1N1 vaccine so Jelly could get the immunities through me. Okay, positive note, score one more vaccine for Colorado, one less for California.

Three days later Jelly Bean came down with the bug. another sleepless night and a return to the doctor's office. This time we see the other doctor. I will refer to him as Dr. Magoo. His nurse wrote everything down on a Post It. And when Dr. Magoo deemed to lumber into the room, he really had no clue whom he was seeing. I told him Jelly Bean's symptoms, which were far worse than Cookie's were. He kept referring to her as "Baby". "Ohhh hello Baby," he addressed her and then proceeded to almost drop her! Hubby and I kept looking at each other with the questioning look, "did he just drop our baby?" We left very confused, $30 lighter, and not really sure whether or not to trust Dr. Magoo's diagnosis of, "it's not the Swine flu."

Our little trip made me really appreciate our doctor, her nurses, and her staff. Jelly is still congested and has since seen our doctor, giving me the relief I was looking for.

Arts and Crafts

Today is a snow day. It is a day one really shouldn't leave the house, except to play in the snow. Since we baked Halloween cookies yesterday, carved pumpkins Monday, we created Construction paper pumpkins today.

It has finally happened, Cookie is old enough for arts and crafts. When teaching, I loved doing art with the kids. I think those organized chaos days prepared me for parenthood. One has to be willing to let the mess happen. It also helps to have all the materials for said project. On Sunday we made a little trip to Michaels. I bought pipe cleaners, pom pom balls, glue (3 kinds), construction paper, and some little projects like finger puppets and stained glass. Cookie was so excited about getting started that we made the finger puppets and the stained glass as soon as we got home. So I am glad that she likes to create.

The only down side is that I am having a hard time finding proper safety scissors. The plastic kind when I was a kid, the kind that won't even cut hair. After an Internet search I have found some, but we have to wait to get them in the mail. So, I am doing all the cutting. But I like this new phase. Now if anyone can tell me how to get Jelly Bean to enjoy being on the floor alone, or how to get her to nap w/out having to be held, (another blog perhaps) life would be perfect.

Easy Mexican Crockpot Chicken

I know that there are just some days that I don't feel much like cooking dinner. There are days that we have things going on that I just won't have time to cook something fancy. So here is my quick and easy Mexican Chicken. It literally takes all of 5 minutes to put together...if not less time.

Ingredients

2 Chicken Breasts (or as many as you need for your family's needs)
1 packet of Taco Seasoning (if you make your own, 4 tbsp, or if more than 4 breasts 2 packets)
1 jar of your favorite Chunky Salsa (sized for the amount of chicken breasts you are using) I like the Safeway brand salsa, only because it has so much in it: beans,onions, and corn. Plus it is really chunky, cheaper than all of the brand names and comes in a small and large jar. I can use half a large jar for this recipe and have the rest for another date.

1. Trim fat off Chicken
2. Pour Taco Seasoning into Crockpot and roll the chicken in the seasoning to cover.
3. Pour the jar of Salsa over Chicken
4. Cook on low 6-8 hours or on high 4 hours.

Your chicken should shred easily for Tacos, Burritos, Quesidillas, Taco Salad, etc. any Mexican dish you want shredded chicken with.

Side with some Mexican Rice and Refried Beans. (Mexican Rice recipe will be provided on future date).

Voila....Fiesta

When less is not more

Please note the size differences in these two T.P. rolls.

I noticed something the other day while going to the restroom. The toilet paper roll was smaller. It wasn't thinner or had less ply. The actual length of the roll was shorter. While most of us could probably due with cutting back on things like sweets and coffee or liquor, a smaller width of T.P. is not one I can readily say is a great thing.

This reduction in product while charging the same price seems to be the new M.O. of companies. First it was the ice cream, where buying a gallon was not really a full gallon but 3/4 of a gallon. I've noticed that cereal boxes have been reduced to "original" sizes, but the prices are the same current day prices. If Kellogg's or Post wanted to charge me 1955 prices, the size reduction would not bother me.

While the obesity rate in this country has reached epic and tragic proportions, I can see how companies can pretend to care by reducing their food products in order to say they care about the growing waist lines of Americans. So, if our asses are getting larger, why is our T.P. getting smaller? Less Frosted Flakes and Rocky Road I can understand, but shorter T.P? And many of these companies claim "bigger rolls." By bigger I think they mean thicker. But in reality we are not getting more, I think we are getting even less.

The only good thing about this new sized product is it rolls easier on the T.P. dispenser in our basement bathroom thanks to the poor installation by our house's previous owner. I am sure there are much more important things to obsess about, like debt and health care, but when grabbing for the T.P. in order to wipe my 2 year old's posterior, one notices these things and it does make a difference in the amount of coverage. I'm positive these toilet paper companies are rolling in new profits. One simply has to use more to get clean.

And a Carousal Ride

I love fall. There is something special about this time of year. Whether it's the smell, the weather, or the two great holiday's, Autumn is awesome. Even while living in L.A. I loved this season. Halloween was always fun, but the culmination of the season with Thanksgiving has always given me a warm fuzzy feeling. Or possibly it was the cooling weather and the high winds that always made it feel different than the hellish heat during the summer months that contributed to my love of the season. Not that October or even November are that cool in Southern California, but it always felt different and wonderful.

Living in Colorado has given me the opportunity to really appreciate the seasons. The feel and smells of Fall are more intense. The trees start to turn these beautiful shades of red, orange, and yellow, then they literally litter the ground. Even with the cooling weather that sometimes brings us snow and ice, familiar winds rush over the Front Range making it feel like the Santa Ana's of my home town.

Something happens when one reaches adulthood. Holidays kinda lose their luster. No longer does one anticipate the joy of Trick or Treating or a visit from Santa Claus. So in that in between time of young adult until parenthood, holidays kinda are a nuisance. But the magic seems to come back when you become a parent. Watching your child's eyes light up as she picks a pumpkin or listening to her talk about the animals she pet at the pumpkin patch makes Halloween special again. Baking Halloween cupcakes (thanks Kelly for the Vanilla Cupcake Recipe) and cookies is a special bonding time between Mom and Daughter. Anticipation of Halloween trick or treating in a Monkey costume makes me anticipate the day just as much as Cookie does.

Of course the one thing I hate about fall is the cold snowy days pushing us indoors, when we were used to being outdoors, but something about Colorado makes this okay. Today we had clear skies and perfect 80 degree weather. It was a day to enjoy the outdoors. And so, I talked hubby into taking a bike hiatus and make a trip to Denver Zoo.

Cookie has been asking to go to the Zoo, so I thought, before the weather gets too cold, before it is too miserable to venture outside, we should go. It was the perfect day. We told Cookie we were going some where fun, but it was a surprise. By now, Cookie knows what the parking lot of the Zoo looks like. So when we pulled in, her sheer joy and excitement brought tears to my eyes. In the past she was only good for about an hour and a half before she crashed in exhaustion. Today, Cookie ran from exhibit to exhibit, walking the entire time for three hours!

It was the perfect day, ending with a train and a carousal ride. Last time we went to the Zoo, Cookie wanted to go on the carousal but got too scared when it came time to get on. This time, she had her Daddy to hold her hand, talk her through it, and she was scared and exhilarated at the same time. It probably would have been wiser for us to get prepared for winter on this warm October weekend, but giving one's child joy is much more rewarding. While Thanksgiving had been my favorite holiday, because it was the most non-religious of holidays, I think Halloween might replace it. There is just so much fun for my little girls to have. So the next time the holiday's get you down, find a carousal and take a ride. It will probably leave you with a smile.

Religion: the good, the bad, and the ugly

I consider myself a modern woman. I also think I'm pretty open minded about most things. I don't care about people's sexual preferences or religious choices, as long as they don't infringe on my personal rights and freedoms. However, I do have some issues with religions that embrace some sort of double standard.

Hear me out. I actually understand some of the Islamic and Orthodox Jewish beliefs and where they come from. Being a history major, I have studied the origins of most of the major religions' beliefs. If I had taken those religions classes earlier in my college days, I may have switched my major to religious studies. As it is, I think I only need something like 9 more units for a minor in religious studies. What annoys me is those who preach one thing and then do another. Or those religious sects that have one standard for men and another for women.

Usually when I see a woman in a burka or a head scarf I generally understand the history behind the clothing. Not that I always agree with it, but I understand. When I was a teacher, I had a Muslim student who invited me to break the fast with her family at their Mosque. I had no reservations covering my head out of respect for their religion and beliefs.

But today I found myself kind of mad. I took Cookie and Jelly Bean to the mall today, as the weather was a little cold and it looked as if it might snow. I noticed a family where the woman was dressed in a prairie dress and wearing a white cap. What looked like her husband and son were dressed in modern clothes, jeans and t-shirts. I know that I really don't know their relationship to each other, but for a split second I was angry. Angry at the woman for allowing herself to be subjected to a double standard. Angry at the man for suppressing women. And then angry at myself for being so judgemental.

Of course if any of you really know me, then you know that I threw out my belief in God and religion a long time ago. In part the decision was because of my studies. I just had trouble following one religion when all of them seemed to have a similar message and purpose. I also gained an understanding of how each of them came to be. The blending of one religion into another. The bastardization of one religion in order to gain followers left a nasty taste in my mouth. And not one religion can claim they are not guilty of such acts.

If I really had to choose a religion to follow I most likely would pick Buddhism. I like the idea that life is suffering and once one understands that, then they are released from suffering. I also believe that it teaches some ethics and right action, which in a nutshell is what religion is there for anyway; to give people a path to follow. But I don't like organized religions, I don't like someone telling me how to interpret the Bible (which in my opinion is a great book full of interesting stories, but so is the Bagavad Gita). I don't like people thinking bad about others because they failed to show up for church or temple or whatever that week. To me religion is spiritual and for each person to follow as they see fit, not by some law enacted by government or a few of the religious leaders.

But, I understand why people believe what they believe, and I respect that. I know that deep down people need to believe in something greater than themselves. And maybe there is something or someone out there. And sometimes religion and beliefs are a good thing. Some people need that tie to others or the set of rules to keep them on a righteous path. Organized religion can do good. They can raise all kinds of money for all kinds of good deeds. It can provide a family to someone who has no one. And it can make people feel welcome in a new and strange place. Religion can provide peace to someone in a less than peaceful world.

I once read an editorial by a man who wished he had religion to provide him the comfort it gave his wife....but he couldn't start believing in something he was sure didn't exist. I wish I saved his article because it mirrored my feelings almost exactly. One reason I loved Job's Daughter's growing up is because I love the whole ritual of it all. Like Job's Daughters I think that Catholicism is beautiful in it's ritual also. I loved going to the Lutheran church as a teenager, not because I loved God and Jesus or even believed, but I loved the comfort of the ritual of receiving communion and the kneeling while praying as a whole congregation. I enjoyed visiting the Mosque, because like the sit, stand, kneel of the Lutheran and Catholic Church; the bowing on the knees and then standing was beautiful to watch. I felt the sense of calm come over the women as together they participated in their religious devotion. I'm interested in religions in a historical and the social sense.

So I am amazed at how one woman's dress could incite such passion and feeling in me. I realize that maybe I am still on my own spiritual journey. But one thing I am certain, you will not find me ever turning to organized religion ever again. I will not become a Christian, or a Jew, or a Buddhist. I am just too cynical and free thinking to ever follow some doctrine that tells me what is right or wrong. I know what is right and wrong. I think I will stick to the old model of do unto others.....and by the way, that saying does not exclusively belong to the followers of God and the ten commandments, the Buddhists and other religions also claim it for their own too. So live freely, believe what you believe, and do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Evil Me

I think it has happened. I have turned into an evil person. I totally blame hubby for this transformation. I used to be a "glass is half full" positive outlook type of person. But over the years I have noticed that I have become more and more cynical. When I had Cookie, I so didn't want to become "that Mommy." The kind that brags about her kids left and right. The kind where she believes that her kids can do no wrong. I also didn't want to go around judging other moms. I think I have been sort of successful in this endeavor.

Here's the thing, I do talk about the girls quite often, but really I'm a stay at home mom. I have nothing else to talk about but my kids and the "cute" (at least to me) things they do. I do not so much as brag, as just talk about them. And mostly, I think I complain.....a lot. I really have become a negative person. I don't know if this is a result of living with a negative person or the result of aging. Maybe it's just in my DNA. But I do not brag, all that much...I hope.

Of course my budding negativity prevents me from thinking my kids are perfect. I will be the first to admit that Cookie can be a pill ( to say it nicely). One reason we decided to have another baby was the fact that Cookie was acting like a spoiled brat. Always expecting us to jump when she said jump. We felt she needed to learn a little patience and how to share. The fact that Cookie liked to pee on the furniture, albeit embarrassing, was not something I kept to myself. I readily admitted my kid was being a snot.

But judging other moms is where I have failed. I was once at the Zoo and was shocked when a mom pulled out a gigantic bag of Cheeetos and fed it to her one year old. I must admit, I felt slightly superior having packed Cookie a nice healthy lunch with plenty of fruit and organic, low fat snacks. I make special trips to Whole Paycheck for her "gummy snacks" because they only contain pectin and pure cane sugar instead of high fructose corn syrup. I used to make her baby food. I would even like to make my own bread...if I can actually manage it to turn out edible instead of heavy as a brick. Of course my slightly superior attitude is always kept in check by those moms who really make their own granola bars and bread (I am really quite jealous of Evolving Mommy's baking prowess and commitment to healthy eating).

Lastly I am kinda ashamed to admit it, but I did a little dance of joy in my head when that annoying ever perfect Mommy with the perfect kid, is having the less than perfect pregnancy. Not that anything is wrong with her baby, thank goodness. But she has placenta previa and frankly seems quite done with being pregnant..with about 6 weeks left to go. I even heard a complaint come from her today. She was as obnoxious as usual when announcing she had the previa and I said, "oh hopefully it will correct itself, as it did with me when I was pregnant with Jelly Bean." She said, "well, did you have a partial or a full? 'cause I have a full and it is only partially resolved, so I am sure I'm having a C-section." Even in her distress, she has to be better than me. So am I evil because I have found a small amount of joy in her discomfort and less than perfect pregnancy?

I hope that I can curb the negative attitude and avoid turning into my miserable and angry grandmother. But really, am I evil for enjoying another's distress?

Guaranteed

I've learned that two things are guaranteed with kids: eight hours straight sleep is never to be known again and that they choose the most inopportune time to go to the restroom.

Cookie loves to choose moments to have her "moment" either right when we are eating dinner or when I am in the middle of frying something, in oil on the stove, that can not be left alone, or it will burn. Nothing curbs one's appetite faster than a BM from one's child. I really have gotten quite used to this phenomenon. Hubby on the other hand has a hard time dealing with it. Cookie's announcement, "I'm pooping" during dinner illicits all kinds of groans and comments from him. "Disgusting" or "I think I'm done now." followed by the throwing down of the fork and his getting up from the table drives me mad. I don't want her to develop any negative feelings regarding potty use. But Hubby turns into the boy that makes all kinds of bathroom humor or comments. Thinks like "Pee Yew, that's smelly." "What died in there" etc. will be offered.

As to sleep, well, it does seem as if the kids have a super secret pact to keep me from enjoying eight hours straight. I say me, since Hubby seems to have acquired a deaf ear to the night time crying. If Jelly Bean sleeps well, Cookie is up three times. And I know that as they get older, I will have sleepless nights waiting and worrying when they are out.

I know that in the scheme of things these problems go away too fast. But, one day I will get my revenge. I will vacuum in front of their teenage rooms at seven A.M. "accidentally" hitting their doors. I will mow the lawn at eight. And I will embarrass them in front of boys. As for wiping poopy butts....well, hopefully they will make me a grandmother and they will have their own kids behinds to clean.

YOU DID IT!!

40 years is a long time. Think about it. Four decades with the same person. My parents have done it. Two people who walked down the isle after only knowing each other 9 months, have managed to defy the odds and stay together....and still like each other. You did it! Congrats to you Mom and Dad.

You sacrificed for us kids, borrowed on the house, refinanced, went into credit card debt just for us. Whether it was to pay for a wedding or hospital bill, you did it! You have successfully raised three children, whom I might add, have all earned college degrees. You did it, and you did it together. There were times while growing up that I thought for sure divorce would be eminent, but you did it! Sure you drive each other crazy, you each have those little quirks that have become increasingly annoying to the point of intolerance, but you did it!

I wish we could afford to send you to some far off wonderful exotic place to celebrate and thank you for your love, understanding, and tolerance. Becoming a parent myself has helped me understand the sacrifices you have made. It has also made me wish I could go back and pay more attention. More attention to how you did it. How you Mom, managed to make it look easy. Make us feel loved and appreciated and special. Or to go back and have more patience with Dad's silly comments at the wrong time. Or understand his ability to get up and go to a job he hated day in and day out in order to put food on the table. But the two of you did it! You became my Brownie leader, coached soccer, worked snack bars, umpired and referred games, went to open houses and back to school nights (even to the point of calling out our teachers and their policies much to our embarrassment). You did it all.

Thank you for being great parents and human beings. You have exemplified high morals and right actions. You taught us how to work hard and aim high. But most of all you have loved us and taught us how to love. You did it!

Congrats, this Sunday you will have made it 40 years. Go ahead and give each other a high five. You did it!

Updates

So here are some updates just in case you were wondering.

1. I did get that $35 check from the swing people, and it was good. I sent them a thank you card and the Goodwill receipt.

2. I was wrong, our phone service at AT&T ends this month, not August

3. I tried the park again, but this time Jelly Bean slept, so it was easier. I also went another time and had to nurse, found that taking Cookie to the right park is key. One where I don't have to be there to help her, and one not too big.

4. Not getting a lot of sleep lately and found my patience for Cookie at an all time low. Good thing Hubby's post pardom is over, nothing worse than not being able to have your own post baby blues because your partner is having the break down. It still angers me that he gets naps when I don't. Kids' naps are just not lining up....he could at least take Cookie when Jelly Bean is napping.

5. I have packed more errands into a day w/ two than I did w/ just one. And I hate going grocery shopping w/ two.

Neighbors!

When we went looking for a house and a neighborhood, I had hoped that we might find something as wonderful as the neighborhood I grew up in. Where the kids played in the street and the adults had cook outs and conversations in their front yards. It did have the requisite freaks, the child molester next door (he liked high school boys and went to jail) and the druggie and thief across the street. But they all moved away. I had hopes for neighbors that I could ask for a up of sugar, or someone to feed the dog when we went away.

Lucky for us we have really really good neighbors. Good, trustworthy people. People who not only have taken care of Pongy, but Cookie as well. I have a group of ladies who dote on my kids. Not only do they give me a break and watch Cookie, they do it for free! While I would never let the kids play in the very busy street here, the neighborhood is all I could have hoped for.

But, (there is always a but) sometimes neighborliness comes with some drawbacks. For instance, the substitute "grandparents" need just as much help with electronics as the real ones do. Whether t.v., cable, computer, or internet, they have no qualms about asking Hubby for help. Which is about once a week. Then there is the Widow, whose dying husband asked Hubby to help his wife when he was gone. So, hubby helps her out with little home repair and the like. Not to mention the sidewalks for both that he helps shovel during winter. But they do babysit for free, so really a fair exchange of services for the most part.

Last week the Widow kinda crossed the helping neighbor out line and asked if she could use our wireless network. And not just a one time thing, but an all the time thing. She said she was cancelling her Internet, and since Hubby's work paid for ours, what was the big deal? Firstly, Hubby's work pays for ours not the whole neighborhoods'. And Secondly, really? I see her come home for lunch in the city's truck. Can I borrow it? I mean they pay for it and everything, what's the big deal? The sad thing is, she seemed really annoyed that Hubby said no. I hope that this does not make things too awkward between us, because Cookie loves her, her cat, and frankly, I like having her to talk to. I would miss the friendship we have.

There are good neighbors, great neighbors, and sometimes bad. I hope our great neighbor doesn't become a bad one.

Thomas

I am sure every Mom has it. The one toy of their child's that they hate, the toy they pray will brake or get left somewhere forever. Cookie has this one toy she absolutely loves and adores. It is one of the many she sleeps with, but belongs to the select few that get brought along with her in the car. If it was a plush toy like her Curious George, I would not mind so much, but it is a plastic pull dog she named "Thomas".

Thomas was purchased at one of our Goodwill visits. I must say that we have gotten our $2.00 worth out of him. But Thomas drives me nutty. At first it was the fact that he barked, "woof woof woof, woof,...woof woof woof" the same pattern. Cookie found much glee in this new form of torment Mom and Dad. Then there is Thomas's weight. He is heavy and awkward to carry. This led to Cookie dropping him numerous times. Which did in fact cause some breakage...all fixable by super glue and Daddy. But, the loss of batteries was a nice result. He is also noisy. His movable roller feet knock around. This would not be so bothersome if she didn't sleep with Thomas, thus waking when she rolls or kicks him.

I know, I know I stupidly bought the toy for her. But I seriously thought the glamor would wear off and she'd move on to something else. The toy was bought in April and she is still dragging (literally) Thomas everywhere. I make her leave him in the car, but she likes to bring him in her baby stroller or pull him when we visit with the neighbors. I hate Thomas, but Cookie adores her little playmate. He's the closest thing she has to a real dog. In fact when people ask if we have a dog at home, Cookie says yes, "Thomas". So for now, I put up with Thomas, because frankly, he's a whole lot better than Pongy.