Friday, January 11, 2013
World's Worst Moms and the Great Banana
I will admit that this morning because of my cranky attitude I hold the torch for World's Worst Mom...In fact I hold that trophy quite often... In fact, I have a good blogger friend who created http://worldsworstmoms.com/, chronicling some of our worst moments as mothers. I have submitted quite a few of my worst moments to her site. Okay, sometimes I write a blog entry just for her.
The best thing about World's Worst Moms is that it is all in good fun. Lately my posts have been about my trials and tribulations with the puppy. I knew what I was getting into when I allowed hubby to talk me into getting Woodrow. I knew that I would be the one walking him, making sure he was fed, buying his treats and food, picking up his shit (all of it and all kinds). This does not stop me from bitching about what an Asshole this dog is. Seriously, today for example shithead got a walk to the school, then he ran around the dog park, then he got a bath (which he loves btw). And while I am in the shower, jerkface comes in, knocks over the empty humidifier canister (on purpose), steals a part off of it and runs around in front of the shower door, daring me to come and try to take it from him. He knows I am otherwise occupied in the shower, yet poopy breath starts to mouth said object and throws it on the floor, grabbing it in his mouth, running up to the door and chomping down on it loudly. I can not emphasize enough what a jerk he is. Anyway, this week while hubby is out of town, I have taken up the vocabulary of a high schooler. Once I had kids I learned to curb my potty mouth. This week phrases such as, "You MOTHERFUCKER" and "Son of a Bitch." have been released....in front of the kids. "Asshole" is my nickname for him...I am sure it is okay if my 3 year old and 5 year old start using that word right? I have spent the better part of a week wrestling the bastard for objects he has stolen. Yelling each and every time..."YOU MOTHERFUCKING ASSHOLE OF A DOG I HATE YOU." Yep stellar parenting over here.
Anyway, my good friend over at World's Worst Moms is having a give away, because she is awesome. And she got a puppy about the same time we got Woodrow. I think Tammy as a kindred spirit. She's witty, she's real, and like me, has a lot of qualms about religion. Anyway, she is giving away a Banana Hammock to one lucky...um brave sole. So go and check her out and try and wrestle that awkward piece away from me. http://worldsworstmoms.com/the-great-banana-hammock-er-bunker-giveaway/. Oh and while your at it, go like her blog and her Facebook Page cause Tammy is awesome.
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"Qualms" about religion? Is that what we get to call it now? That's a good one. "No, Aunt Ruth, we're not getting the kids baptized. I'm a Qualmer."
ReplyDeleteSometimes I wish you -- and I -- were the president so there were someone following us around all the time, taking pictures and documenting this stuff. Because lord knows I could use of photo of you wrestling Woodrow to the ground with the girls looking on in shocked horror.
And you are awesome too, my kindred spirit. Love ya.
Canine sarcasm. A little understood but very real phenomena. I've had miniature schnauzers for years, and they are masters of the art. (P.S. I like you're writing. I'm a fan of Tammy's, too.)
ReplyDeleteWe have a new puppy too! And I'm definately in a similar situation, she's a biter/chewer. Also, a major glutton. Her name is Lyla, but she also answers to "Fat Ass" because we call her that, a lot. She's 7 weeks old and let me tell you, that she is definately "you motherfucking asshole of a dog i hate you" material. But damnit they're just so cute!!!
ReplyDeleteAh thanks for your support ladies. And that would be funny to have pictures of me wrestling the dog...Soon after writing this, the next day, while placing 3 year old in Chariot, 5 year old is getting her gloves on to ride her scooter to school, Asshole takes off like a shot, surprising me, lead gets torn from my hand, at a lady walking her dog. Elderly mother is with her, Woodrow tries his darndest to knock old lady down. Of course lady is holding her mother up saying, "OOHHHH I hope he doesn't knock my Mom down." I'm trying to grab the jerk without knocking Old lady down. Kids screaming, me cursing...Thankfully no one is hurt. Then I think What on earth is this lady doing having her elderly mother walk down the icy street, I mean, I fell going very slowly and carefully getting the mail..but then I am at fault for not being able to control said giant of a dog...
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