Evil Me

I think it has happened. I have turned into an evil person. I totally blame hubby for this transformation. I used to be a "glass is half full" positive outlook type of person. But over the years I have noticed that I have become more and more cynical. When I had Cookie, I so didn't want to become "that Mommy." The kind that brags about her kids left and right. The kind where she believes that her kids can do no wrong. I also didn't want to go around judging other moms. I think I have been sort of successful in this endeavor.

Here's the thing, I do talk about the girls quite often, but really I'm a stay at home mom. I have nothing else to talk about but my kids and the "cute" (at least to me) things they do. I do not so much as brag, as just talk about them. And mostly, I think I complain.....a lot. I really have become a negative person. I don't know if this is a result of living with a negative person or the result of aging. Maybe it's just in my DNA. But I do not brag, all that much...I hope.

Of course my budding negativity prevents me from thinking my kids are perfect. I will be the first to admit that Cookie can be a pill ( to say it nicely). One reason we decided to have another baby was the fact that Cookie was acting like a spoiled brat. Always expecting us to jump when she said jump. We felt she needed to learn a little patience and how to share. The fact that Cookie liked to pee on the furniture, albeit embarrassing, was not something I kept to myself. I readily admitted my kid was being a snot.

But judging other moms is where I have failed. I was once at the Zoo and was shocked when a mom pulled out a gigantic bag of Cheeetos and fed it to her one year old. I must admit, I felt slightly superior having packed Cookie a nice healthy lunch with plenty of fruit and organic, low fat snacks. I make special trips to Whole Paycheck for her "gummy snacks" because they only contain pectin and pure cane sugar instead of high fructose corn syrup. I used to make her baby food. I would even like to make my own bread...if I can actually manage it to turn out edible instead of heavy as a brick. Of course my slightly superior attitude is always kept in check by those moms who really make their own granola bars and bread (I am really quite jealous of Evolving Mommy's baking prowess and commitment to healthy eating).

Lastly I am kinda ashamed to admit it, but I did a little dance of joy in my head when that annoying ever perfect Mommy with the perfect kid, is having the less than perfect pregnancy. Not that anything is wrong with her baby, thank goodness. But she has placenta previa and frankly seems quite done with being pregnant..with about 6 weeks left to go. I even heard a complaint come from her today. She was as obnoxious as usual when announcing she had the previa and I said, "oh hopefully it will correct itself, as it did with me when I was pregnant with Jelly Bean." She said, "well, did you have a partial or a full? 'cause I have a full and it is only partially resolved, so I am sure I'm having a C-section." Even in her distress, she has to be better than me. So am I evil because I have found a small amount of joy in her discomfort and less than perfect pregnancy?

I hope that I can curb the negative attitude and avoid turning into my miserable and angry grandmother. But really, am I evil for enjoying another's distress?