Guaranteed

I've learned that two things are guaranteed with kids: eight hours straight sleep is never to be known again and that they choose the most inopportune time to go to the restroom.

Cookie loves to choose moments to have her "moment" either right when we are eating dinner or when I am in the middle of frying something, in oil on the stove, that can not be left alone, or it will burn. Nothing curbs one's appetite faster than a BM from one's child. I really have gotten quite used to this phenomenon. Hubby on the other hand has a hard time dealing with it. Cookie's announcement, "I'm pooping" during dinner illicits all kinds of groans and comments from him. "Disgusting" or "I think I'm done now." followed by the throwing down of the fork and his getting up from the table drives me mad. I don't want her to develop any negative feelings regarding potty use. But Hubby turns into the boy that makes all kinds of bathroom humor or comments. Thinks like "Pee Yew, that's smelly." "What died in there" etc. will be offered.

As to sleep, well, it does seem as if the kids have a super secret pact to keep me from enjoying eight hours straight. I say me, since Hubby seems to have acquired a deaf ear to the night time crying. If Jelly Bean sleeps well, Cookie is up three times. And I know that as they get older, I will have sleepless nights waiting and worrying when they are out.

I know that in the scheme of things these problems go away too fast. But, one day I will get my revenge. I will vacuum in front of their teenage rooms at seven A.M. "accidentally" hitting their doors. I will mow the lawn at eight. And I will embarrass them in front of boys. As for wiping poopy butts....well, hopefully they will make me a grandmother and they will have their own kids behinds to clean.