Missing

Since moving there are many things I miss about California. Sometimes I miss a good Mexican dinner or Korean food. I miss being able to go to the beach and smell the ocean air. I miss teaching and the challenge it presented daily. I miss my grandparents, where sometimes stopping by their house meant hearing a story I had miraculously never heard before. I miss my mom and dad. I regret that my kids don't get to see their cousins more than once a year. I miss seeing my brother become a man and get a "big boy" job. I miss monthly dinners with my friends. Yet, despite these things that I miss, they are not enough to make me move back.

This week I have been feeling a little down. Maybe it's hormones. Maybe it's feeling penned in by the kids and attached at the boob a little too long with Jelly. But really I feel lonely. A year and a half ago I made a new friend here. A new friend that really made Colorado feel like home. Someone who, when I called, would gladly change her plans in order to meet me and the kids anywhere. A friend who made me remember what it was like to feel welcome and liked and understood. I miss my friend. I miss going to the park and her and her kids being there. I miss someone here who understood.

I guess that there used to be nothing to miss about here, which was why it was so great. But now, there is one thing or people I should say that I miss and it makes me sad and it emphasizes all the things I do miss. I'm just missing.