We used keep our alcohol in the pantry, on the highest self, until hubby moved it to the basement...where we have a beautiful bar, albeit unused. However, after fixing a bar shelf for the alcohol to sit on, hubby decided that the basement is where it should be. Thus causing me my current dilemma....you see, the rum, which I fetched last weekend from the fathoms below, is still sitting on the kitchen counter mainly because I am too lazy to bring it downstairs, but not to be discounted my sensibilities that I will just want some in a caffeine free diet Coke after I put the kids to bed. ( I know, here I am strictly adhering to no caffeine, but will consume alcohol while nursing, makes no sense.)
When the alcohol was in the pantry, I rarely noticed it. Since I have spent the better part of the last four years either pregnant or nursing, it really hasn't been in my repertoire so to speak. However, I fell off the wagon earlier than I did after Cookie. I think I rarely drank the first year after having her. After Jelly, I think I lasted about six months and then the stress of having two got to me. I had to have a Margarita or a rum and coke, or a glass of wine to wind down an evening.
I still try to leave alcohol drinking until the kids are asleep, and only on the weekends, but there the bottle of rum sits, on the counter calling to me. I pass by it in my daily routine and I say, "Oh! Hello Rum. There you are." Of course I spend a large portion of my day in the kitchen, either cooking or cleaning, and the Rum keeps calling out to me like a bottle from Alice in Wonderland, "Drink Me". Most nights I don't want a drink, or don't "need" one. And most nights I don't...but some days drive me to drink.
One of my biggest fears is becoming an alcoholic. Not sure why it concerns me, other than my Mom once told me there was alcoholism in the family. Maybe it was the large amounts of beer my Dad and the neighbor men consumed that bothered me. Or it could have been that my best friend grew up with an alcoholic father and I saw first hand the result of alcoholism.
I remember reading an article in one of those "family" magazines about a mom who slowly turned to alcohol. And let me tell you, I got it. I can see how being a parent might drive one to drink. In fact sometimes I am surprised that there are not more people who are alcoholics once they become parents. One day a thought crossed my mind that maybe they were all drinking and just hid it well, or maybe everyone is on some kind of mood altering drug. That's the only way they can hold it together right?
Having kids is tiring, it's emotionally heart wrenching. When you are not loving that little ball of sweetness, you are cursing them for their destructiveness, their rudeness, or their just plain sociopathic behavior that only children can have. Your love for them is so overpowering that yes, sometimes, a little drink helps take the edge off. But when does that "little drink" lead to too much? When does it become alcoholism? I have never been much of a drinker, I don't like being out of control, at all....which is why I might have had such a hard time transitioning to parenthood, I realized that I had absolutely no control over anything anymore...even when I went pee.
So why am I so concerned about drinking when at the most I have maybe one to two shots of rum a week? Call me prude, call me kill joy, but I am not one for overindulging in booze. I enjoy a beer, I enjoy a margarita, but I do not enjoy loosing control. Which begs the question, why is that bottle of rum calling my name, again?
Some days more than other, I can hear my name being called too. It's 5 o'clock somewhere.
ReplyDeleteHaving said that, I have a long and ugly family history with drinking. So, I too have to be uber cautious about it.
I understand where you are coming from, girl.
It is exactly the same as having cookies in the house. It's the reminder. Just seeing them and know they are there quadruples the cravings to the power of 8.
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