Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Walk the Dog

Week 18 in puppyville and I still not sure I like this guy.  He still chews, he attacks the kids, he won't let me pee in private, and now "my time" after I put the kids to bed is taken up with playing with him or deterring Woodrow from humping my leg.  I alternate from really liking him to thinking he is a giant Asshole.

Hubby is out of town and normally I will admit that I kinda enjoy it.  I usually get housework done.  I do floors, I clean rooms, I clean out cabinets.  But with Woodrow now a part of the family I am just overwhelmed with frustration.  I yell at the dog, I yell at the kids, I yell at myself for yelling at the kids and the dog.  Basically it has been three days of me screaming and kids crying, dog humping.  And it's been hot.  Really hot, like Southern California hot, only they have cooler temps right now.  So puppy being the difficult son of a bitch that he is, doesn't want to go for walks or runs.  He just wants to sit on the air conditioner vent in between terrorizing me and Cookie. 

Anyway, this evening, sensing the need to try and get rid of some of that puppy energy, I convince the kids to put on their shoes and go with me to the neighborhood shared green space (just a giant grassy area sandwiched in between about 8 houses).  Here we can hopefully run Woodrow and tire him out a little.  All is going well, we remembered to bring the Frisbee and poopy bags!  He chases the Frisbee, he chases and tackles the kids, kids and me get bit up by mosquitoes that have finally decided to show up after being basically non-existent all spring and summer.  All good.  Cookie decides that she wants to try and walk the dog.  Sensing he's kinda tired, I allow her to take the lead. To the corner.  I take over all is going well.  We get in front of our house and I allow her to hold the lead while I throw away poop.  Neighbor decided this is a good time to walk by, Chocolate lab sees people goes nutty, drags Cookie across the lawn...literally.  Woodrow proceeds to scare the crap out of neighbor's 6 year old son.  I manage to tackle the dog and hold him down so neighbor can proceed home with now quaking child.  (yeah, I'm a horribly irresponsible dog owner and parent). 

I now, notice the piles of poop in front yard that Cookie narrowly missed being dragged through.  I put dog and kids in gated backyard so I can pick up piles of steaming smelling feces.  As I am scraping poop into poop bucket from scooper I spy from the corner of my eye Cookie in the front yard with the dog back on the lead!  Now my child is smart...but this was anything but a smart decision. Bill Cosby would say in his stand-up, "Kids are Brain Dead."  Ain't that the truth, cause what in the world would possess this child who had just been dragged 40 feet by the dog to try it again? 

Now here's where things get dicey.  Me, exhausted after a long day of referring between dog and kids, swimming, and park in 96 degree heat at 5,000 ft, starts in on the screaming.  And my neighbor, whom I love dearly is in her backyard with her entire family celebrating her 70th birthday gets to hear the whole embarrassing exchange.  Cookie says to me later, "Mommy my noggin was tired that's why I didn't make a good decision."  Insert guilt.

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