Dear Aunt Flo and Uncle Fred-
You are the worst visitors ever. You like to show up at the exact wrong moments. Your visits are always too long. And you are never on time; choosing to be either too early or late. Either way making my life complicated and full of anxiety. I spent the early part of my teens waiting for you to appear for the first time, then the later part of my teens praying you'd visit every month. I have spent a large chunk of time obsessed over the calendar, counting the days until your next visit. I have spent massive amounts of money in order to make your presence more comfortable or less inconvenient. You literally cause me pain. I officially hate you. You drive me to eat massive quantities of chocolate, and make me slightly insane. I despise the fact that you can control me in such a way. You are the one thing that makes me look forward to getting older, the idea that your visits will be no longer. So I thank you once again for making a visit this month, albeit late, but really, thanks but no thanks.