Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Guilty feeling

Went to the gym today and was feeling pretty good about it. But have you ever had that niggling feeling in the back of your head that you forgot something or something is wrong? Call it woman's intuition or whatever, but I sometimes get those feeling. And often I ignore them. I usually dismiss that feeling as my paranoia or silly worry worting (I made a new word so sue me.) Unfortunately my "feeling" is usually dead spot on. I could give examples, but that would be a huge digression.

The first time I went to the gym, I dragged my phone around with me. Fearful that Hubby would need to call me in regards to a screaming kid, thus ending my trips to the gym. But no such event happened and I started leaving it in the car. Here was my thinking. I once had my gym locker broken into, and so now I never leave anything but the car keys, which is ridiculous because they could just go outside and steal the car, but at least that's insured. I also figured if anything was really wrong and he couldn't get me on the cell, he'd call the gym and have me paged or found or something.

I forgot one thing, Hubby tends to loose all sort of brain function when there is a crying baby. He literally shuts down and can not think straight. I think we have all been there...but he is especially prone to this phenomenon. So, of course today, Jelly Bean woke about 30 minutes after I left and was "starving" (which was crazy because I had only fed her an hour before). Hubby text messaged me asking if the milk I had frozen in the freezer was still good, and of course I had missed the text. What gets me is that I have fresh milk in the fridge, did he not look in the fridge? So about 45 minutes after the text, I called him back and said that there was milk in the fridge. By the time I got home, Jelly was still crying and hubby was beside himself, trying to feed her from a bottle with a nipple and a top that did not fit together. Of course I was left feeling pretty guilty.

But in the end, much of this debacle is Hubby's fault. First of all, why did he not think to look in the fridge? Second it is his fault really that Jelly will not take a bottle. He refused to feed her from one at the beginning and she would not take one when I held her. Third, why didn't he just give her rice cereal? Really no imagination whatsoever.

However, that mother's guilt leaves me blaming myself. I was stupid to leave the phone in the car. I had that feeling today when I left it there. I even thought, "maybe I should bring it." On the drive over to the gym I also thought, "Hubby knows there's milk in the fridge right? He would know to just give her cereal, right?" Ohh I should have told him.

As a result, Jelly cried for a good hour. She went hungry for all of an hour and a half, but was eventually fed and was happy. Oh, and Hubby gave me the silent treatment for an hour. But I still feel guilty like I should have known.

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