Saturday, January 9, 2010

The Saboteur

I have been a weight watcher now for almost ten years. It is hard to believe it has been that long since my first journey to losing weight. And I mean really truly losing weight and working to understand my "food" issues. Because they are big.

One of my biggest problems is "the saboteur." The person who always works to ruin my resolve. The person who buys the chocolate chips because, "we might need to make cookies" or the person who has to eat the whole thing because "it would just be wasteful to throw out food". Yes, the saboteur. I hate the saboteur. Today when Cookie announced upon waking up that she wanted to "make cookies." The saboteur said, "Yes, let's make cookies." And the saboteur was thinking, "she asked so nicely and with such a smile, how can I say no."

Yes, I confess, I am the saboteur. I am my worst enemy. I continually make excuses. What is so sad is that I thought I conquered the saboteur. I thought I slayed her almost ten years ago on my first weight loss journey. But apparently I only locked the saboteur in the closet and forgot to throw away the key. Well no more, the saboteur must be stopped. She must be quieted. There is that old saying, "A moment on the lips a lifetime on the hips." But I prefer to remind myself of what I learned in one of my WW meetings. The food is not going to serve me any better in my stomach than in the trash. It is actually more wasteful for me to consume the food and then have to work it off than tossing it.

I don't believe in New Year's resolutions, but I do believe in making promises to oneself. When I first decided that I no longer wanted to be overweight, I took weight loss in small steps. First, I resolved to exercise and make it a habit. Once that was done and gym membership bought, the next step was to start eating right. That is when I joined Weight Watchers. I then resolved to fit into a certain pair of jeans, then, I wanted to be able to shop at Ann Taylor and be able to pick anything and look good. Once that was accomplished the rest was easy. Unfortunately I am back to square one, and really lacking some motivation. Yes, I hate how my body looks. Yes, I hate that extra roll that appeared with baby number two and is not going down. But having two kids makes me want to eat chocolate and sugar......all the time! Maybe once I can have caffeine that jolt that the sugar gives me will be replaced.

Anyway, I have made the first step by rejoining the gym and going no matter what twice a week...which I think I need to increase to at least 3 days. My next step is to eat more healthy. I have gotten away from that. It really is not that hard, I have just gotten lazy. But first, The Saboteur must be stopped!

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