The Letter C

Cookie has finally become interested in letters. I have tried to sit down and teach them to her, but she is usually too full of energy to sit still enough to learn them. Plus, the two of us tend to butt heads when she becomes frustrated. There is just too much of me in her.

Lately she has been asking about letters. Mainly the ones in her name since we bought her the
Abby Caddabby T-shirt "C is for Charlotte". So far she recognizes most of the letters of her name. She consistently tries to write the letter "C" but it tends to come out backwards. And then the frustration builds and she ends up scribbling all over the paper in a fit of anger. She then screams in frustration at her inability to make it look right. Of course I try to remain calm, show her again, and try to guide her hand into making the motion the correct way. Cookie then gets angry because she wants to do it by herself. Thus we go round and round and round.

These bouts bring back memories of myself as a little kid trying to make a gingerbread house, the walls continually fell and refused to stand. In a fit of pique about it, I tore into the thing with a knife and pieces of gingerbread went flying in every direction. Yes, Cookie is just like me. This is the reason I could never home school my child. This is the reason Cookie will be attending Pre-school in the Fall....we are too much a like.

But I know one day, the letter C will come out just right....because "C" is for my Cookie.

One Last Wiff

My baby is getting older. She's already kinda crawling in her own way, okay it's more like rolling. She stood up on her own today. I looked up and she had pulled herself up on one of her toys. And those darn teeth are making their way slowly out of her gums. Pretty soon she'll be talking and walking, and wrestling with Cookie.

But, there still lingers that baby smell. It's almost gone, I can feel it slowly melting away. So whenever I get a chance, I inhale her smell. There is nothing like that baby smell or that soft feel of a baby head. I catch myself rubbing her sweet little noggin, knowing that one day, without warning, that smooth baby soft down on her head will completely be gone. I rub it so often, that when we were out the other day at a cafe, another patron thought she accidentally bumped Jelly Bean while going to her table....I had to sheepishly admit, that no, there was no bumpage (I don't think that is really a word, but I'm using it anyways), I just rub it because that soft tuft will be gone soon enough.

I think once those teeth are in, I have to throw in the towel and admit that there are no more babies for us. Sometimes being a parent is bitter sweet. You look forward to all those firsts: crawling, walking, talking, riding a bike, etc. But at the same time, as each milestone is celebrated, there is a little sadness as to what had been . Memories of sweet baby kisses, where slobber and drool was cute and sweet, instead of gross and disgusting is what you have left of that time that goes too quick.

I can't wait to see what my children become, but sometimes I just want to stop time and get one last wiff.

Friends

As some of your might remember, I have blogged about the difficulty of finding friends here in Colorado when we first moved. While I consider my fellow playgroup moms my friends, I can not say they have become "bosom friends" as Anne of Green Gables would say. We all have a great connection, a great time together, and provide a certain therapy that is necessary in maintaining our sanity.

Finding that one person or couple persons to hang out with changes when one has kids. Before you were just looking for someone you individually could be friends with. With kids, you start looking for a person you like, their kids you and your kids like, and a partner, your partner likes. To find the perfect trifecta is not easy.

Last year a new mom came to playgroup with her two kiddos. Right away we seemed to connect and the kids seemed to play well together. Later, by chance our husbands met while we enjoyed a family bike ride to the park. He was there with the kids, and a connection was made. For whatever reason our families made good friends. Maybe it was that her hubby liked to ride bikes, run, exercise, and be an active outdoors guy like my hubby. Or maybe it was that our kids love each other. Kinda like cousins or brothers and sisters. At the playground the three can team up and be a force to reckon with. Or that as a couple she was more like hubby and he was more like me, so maybe we were attracted to them like we are attracted to each other.


I was optimistic that this couple was here to stay. So were they. They had been looking to buy a home for over a year.....but the economy and new loan rules made it difficult. Then two weeks ago they dropped a little bomb to stir up my world...and maybe theirs, too. They were moving back to Florida. Family issues really, but I get the vaguest feeling that they have struggled with the decision. That really they want to stay here, but family obligations have pushed them to make the move back. Of course I understand, of course I wish the best for them, but for myself, and for my Cookie, I am a little bereft. Finding them was tough. And they were good for hubby, who has a hard time making the effort to make friends. He is also very choosy as to whom he lets into his circle of friends.

I will miss my friends and I will miss the holiday dinners and the kids playing together. I wish them the best. And maybe someday, we will find another couple whom we can call friends.

Vanilla Cookies

One of the traditions my Mom used to do with us kids was to make roll out cookies for each holiday. I've never been a huge fan of her recipe, but I loved making them as a kid. She had a collection of cookie cutters for every holiday and some just for fun. Last time we visited, I exclaimed some dismay at my sister taking the Christmas ones and a book of fun activities for kids. Mom, being ever the diplomat, gave me the rest of the cookie cutters, boxing them up and shipping them to me.

Since I moved out of my parent's house, some ten years ago, I have been trying to find the perfect home made cut out cookie recipe. My brother once had a girlfriend who used to make these killer sugar cookies. When I asked for the recipe, I was surprised and delighted to find out they were from the Betty Crocker bag of Sugar Cookies. But, since having kids, I wanted to make them from scratch, not a bag. I take pride in the fact that I take the time to show my kids how to bake and cook from scratch, not just a box. I also wanted a recipe that did not have to be refrigerated, as when I want to bake, I want to do it all at once, not wait an hour or more. Maybe this is why I have not made a lot of breads, no patience for rise.

Imagine my surprise when I came across some yummy homemade cookies from my Hungarian friend. I asked for the recipe, and she obliged. Of course she had to translate the recipe from her Hungarian cookbook into English. And then I had to measure the ingredients in grams and then convert to cups for later use. But, the recipe turned out great and I am sharing it. The original recipe called for Vanilla Sugar, but I did not have any, so I substituted with real vanilla extract and I did not notice a difference in taste. These cookies are buttery, a little soft, but still have that great sugar cookie crunch and flake.

Vanilla Cut Out Cookies

2 3/4 Cups All purpose flour
2 1/2 Sticks of Butter (or 1 1/4 cups)
1 1/2 Cups Sugar
1 1/2 tsp Vanilla
4 Egg Yolks (reserve whites to baste cookies)

Mix all ingredients together until forms a dough. Roll with flour and cut out with favorite cookie cutters. Baste with egg whites, sprinkle with sugar or sprinkles if desired. Bake 350F until golden brown.

The batch I made, I did not sprinkle with sugar or sprinkles (although maybe we should have used sprinkles, but I wanted to taste them without first). You could also frost them if desired...but that might be sugar overload.

Comfort

It is weird what some people find comfort in. For me it is food. When I am down I turn to chocolate and ice cream. When I am angry I turn to chips and dip. When I am plain worn out for some reason I want a rum and coke or a nice cheesecake. Others find comfort in books or exercise (if only).

My sweet little Cookie finds comfort in her clothes. I am not sure if this is going to be a bad or a good thing. I am comforted in the fact that she doesn't turn to food when emotionally down. Instead she wears her favorite shirt or dress. The day can be positively ruined if the shirt she wants to wear is dirty. Of course there was the infamous "Orangie" dress that was worn virtually every day for almost a year, until it started to come apart and was quite literally too small for her growing body to squeeze into. She now has four shirts in rotation that she will wear, nothing else. It makes me question why I even bothered to buy winter clothing for her, when she will only wear a shirt with a Sesame Street character on it. She won't even allow us to zip up a jacket for fear of covering her shirt.


I wish I could find solace in clothes. I wish I could experience the pure joy of finding an outfit that looked fabulous on me. I sometimes wish it could be as easy as Cookie finds it to love certain clothes. Of course, like any new parent, I had all these ideas about raising my kid. I definitely was not going to buy anything with a character on it. I caved. Only because I did not buy the first pieces. Two were hand me downs and one was a gift from her great grandma. But, slowly we caved. First it was the Big Bird shirt bought at Sea World, it was the thing she chose to get. Then it was the Cookie Monster shirt exchanged at Old Navy from a too small Christmas gift for her. And lastly it was the "C is for Charlotte" Abby Cadabby shirt I purchased so I could actually get Cookie to cooperate during pictures. Now I am trapped in merchandise hell.

Thirtysomething

What seems like ages ago, hubby and I got rid of Satellite T.V. and have gotten our T.V. fix via the Internet and Netflix. We are saving something like $80 a month this way. This method has had one benefit I did not expect, discovering old shows and movies.

One night, when I ran out of new stuff to watch, I went looking for something "new" to me and rediscovered the popular show from the 80s, Thirtysomething. The show is timeless. I think I can understand why it was so popular with my parent's generation. Although, I don't believe my parents watched the show, I recognize its appeal. As a relatively new mom and wife, I found the writing on the show to capture the feeling of new parents and their frustrations...and I am only into episode three!

I just love discovering hidden gems.

Aunt Flo

I know that this post may turn some people off but I am really excited. A couple years ago Hubby encouraged me to try a different Feminine product. He was working for an Internet porn site at the time, (something he's not proud of...but it paid the bills right after the .Com bust) and The Instead was a product ad on the site. At first I was a little skeptical and nervous to move away from tampons. Not to mention I found the idea of having to insert the Instead kinda icky. But the Instead looks a little like a female condom. It is designed to sit above the cervix and hold the period flow. It was fairly simple to figure out how to use, once one got the hang of it.

Well, years later....something like seven years later, I am happy to report that I love the Instead. Not only was it not as icky as I thought, but it actually made me feel cleaner than tampons. It is also cheaper than tampons, as I only had to change them half as much....and they were super comfortable. I could not feel them at all. One problem was their availability. I was able to find them at Target...but only once in a while. When they were in stock, I bought, everything that they had.

After I moved to Colorado, I had a harder time finding them, but then I got pregnant with Cookie and I was not worried....for a long while about feminine products. Imagine my surprise, while cruising the web, looking at cloth diapers for Cookie and looking to buy the Instead online, since Aunt Flo had reappeared after a long absence, and I could not find them at Target, that I discovered Feminine cups. (Wow sorry for that run-on sentence) The idea intrigued me. And I was having a harder time using the Instead after giving birth to Cookie. Things down below had changed.




So, on a whim I ordered my first cup, The Diva Cup, along with some diaper products. I really did not know anything about cups other than what I read from the company's website. But the idea of never having to buy feminine hygiene products again was the big seller for me. Not to mention that there is no threat of Toxic shock with them. The Diva cup was an instant hit with me. It is made of silicone and completely safe to use in your body. It was not so different than the Instead in insertion and it lasted even longer without having to be "emptied." The cup inserts inside the vagina and the itty bitty suction holes on it keep it in place and from leaking. After the initial shelling out of $60.00 or so, I knew I would never have to buy those pesky one time use items again. Plus, the cup was actually easier to use and it was even cleaner than the Instead.



A while back I discovered some great forums and one woman's blog about cups: http://menstrualcupinfo.wordpress.com/ After reading about the myriad of different cups out there, I am ordering my second cup. A different brand called Lunette. For about $45.00, I will get a new cup and hopefully and even more comfortable period. For those of you scared to try cups, let me just say, don't be. I think they are ingenious. Us ladies just need to get past a little squeamishness and the stigma of not supposed to be touching oneself "down there". For me, going green and saving money are just two more positive things about cups.

Crack O Pebbles

I usually keep some lower sugar cereals in the house for Cookie. Cheerios of course is a favorite, but she also likes Rice Crispies. Hubby must have some sort of sugary concoction on hand, like Fruity Pebbles, Frosted Flakes, or Cocoa Puffs. Months and months ago I bought a bunch of Rice Crispies and Cheerios on sale with a coupon for something like a dollar a box. Hubby looked at me like I was crazy when I carried in ten boxes of cereal....but I haven't had to buy any in months, not to mention I saved a ton of money.

Yesterday, without realizing it, I ran out....of both. After having such a difficult time with getting Cookie to eat lately, when she asked for cereal for breakfast, I was excited. Then, I looked in the pantry. Uh Oh! All we had was Cocoa Pebbles and Frosted Flakes. So, I thought giving her the Coco Pebbles a better choice. Well, I was wrong. I think they put crack in the Coco Pebbles, because sugar does not cause this kind of reaction. Sugar does not cause my child to go bouncing literally off the walls.....for an entire day. Not just an hour or two....ALL DAY!.

Cookie was so high, that she couldn't even nap. An hour and a half in her room produced jumping on the bed, a fevered attempt to put away her books (okay that's a positive outcome), and a whole lot of talking. And by talking, I mean talking...a mile a minute. And Cookie should have been exhausted.

First thing in the morning I dropped her off at "The Farm", a local non-profit little farm that was holding a crafting class for 2 year olds. It was a drop off class (I know two in two days...awesome.) and of course she was the oldest and only girl. And she was wild. Drop into a fit of giggles for no reason wild. Run around in circles wild. I am quite positive she required some extra attention by the teachers. But, she did leave with a grin, until I told her we were not staying to feed the animals.

Following her hour of crafting and play, we went to play group. Two hours later, she was still crazy with energy. I was thinking, overtired energy...but, after eating a lunch, she did not settle down. So, I am now convinced it was the Coco Pebbles. Yes my friends, they put crack in them. That is the only thing I can conclude.

While Cookie did go to bed around 7:45, she had to cry herself to sleep she was so tired. But finally the crack had worn off. No more Crack O Pebbles for my kid.

All over the Place

My post today will be all over the place. You see, I have a couple thoughts floating around and have to share.

First, today was a momentous day at our household, well momentous for me at least. Today, I dropped Cookie off at one of her classes....and got to leave! This is fantastic, this is awesome, this is liberating. Cookie may not quite be three, but her teacher felt her vocabulary and her physical abilities warranted a move up. Cookie was too advanced compared to the rest of her classmates. I make that sound like my kid is better than the rest. She's not, but they are all at least 5 months younger than her, and her teacher has to come up with alternative activities just for her. So, she suggested that I try the 3/4 year old drop off class. I prepared Cookie for days, discussing what would happen and how she was supposed to act. Maybe I should have taken a picture, but I was just too happy. Cookie dove right in after an initial, "Mom can you stay 5 minutes until I start playing?" Then, after five minutes she came over, gave Jelly and me a kiss and said good bye.

Today, my baby proved she is now a big girl. She is potty trained, night and day, she can dress herself, including shoes and socks, and now she is ready for me to leave her at school. Those of you who take your kids to daycare must have felt some sort of twinge when you dropped them off the first time, but nothing compares to the exultation of detaching your toddler from you when you are a Stay at home Mom.

Second, I not only got to enjoy an hour at a coffee house nearby with Jelly, but three other moms from the class joined me. It was fantastic. All three ladies were nice and so different. They told me they go to the coffe shop every week, and invited me in with open arms.....I am loving this.

Third, this is where I veer off course a little, I am a little ashamed to admit that when I found out that Cookie had some issues with milk, I was saddened. She will not be able to enjoy ice cream like normal kids, and even some frosting on cakes. It is weird to have a kids with special eating needs. Now a days I know that this is normal. That there are all kinds of restrictions, like no nuts, or in the case of my nephew, gluten. So not being able to give my kid milk products has become a challenge for me.

At first, we went completely dairy free. Then I started sneaking in milk products here and there. Hoping that maybe she was just lactose sensitive not intolerant. But, we have had another two weeks of yucky tummy, and I have to now admit, that my kid can not have milk products. The good news is, she is not alone in the world in this problem, and she is lucky to have this problem today, and not ten years ago. Today there are all kinds of alternative products, fairly easy to get. There is Rice milk and soy milk. Rice and Soy ice cream (although good, no where near as yummy as the milk product). I am even buying Soy yogurt and soy pudding snacks for her. The one thing I have not been able to find is a good cheese alternative. And who doesn't love cheese?

I discovered quite by accident, Tofu cream cheese. Sounds gross, I know. But really, the product is quite good. After making those adorable little cupcakes with Cookie, and the subsequent tummy aches this week, (which may be from the large quantity of lasagna she ate also....but who knows) I made her "special" icing for some cupcakes that were not frosted with cream cheese out of the Toffuti cream cheese. Toffuti also makes some yummy frozen tofu "ice cream" sandwiches. I discovered a lot of these products while nursing Cookie, you see, even as an infant, she could not tolerate milk products. Massive spit up was the result when I had milk products. Jelly seems to be a little sensitive, too....but not as much. Sooo, no milk products for her, and a whole lot of alternative thinking for me.

Lastly, I hate cell phone companies. I hate that they charge by the minute (brilliant for them). I hate that they make you sign contracts for two years at a time, and if you want to make any changes including things that up your bill, they re sign you for two more years. While I love having the ability to make a phone call now and not loose someone on the other end every five minutes and I love that I can get a signal in my home, I miss being able to talk to my Mom whenever I want. The idea that "nights" start at 9 p.m. is ridiculous. "Nights" should start at sundown. But that is just my rant for the evening. Miss you Mom.

Cupcakes

Hubby is out of town for the weekend and I am stuck alone with the kids. There are numerous reasons to hate this, like never a break at night, having to be the "bad cop", and the cold bed at night. But to tell you the truth, I kinda like it when he is gone. The house is really quiet, even with two kids. I find that my kitchen is clean, there is no one making meal after meal and leaving their dirty dishes in the sink. And frankly Cookie and Hubby have been fighting a lot lately.

So when Cookie became a little clingy today, I had to come up with something to unglue my child from me. Since acetone and a hammer are not viable options, distraction is.

Tonight we are going to dinner over at a friend's house and I thought we'd bring dessert, so cupcakes seemed like the perfect detachment solution. I've been meaning to make these cute Mouse cupcakes I saw in a magazine for a while. But what makes them so yummy is the cream cheese frosting. However, the magazine suggested using store bought cupcake and decorating yourself. I really just wanted a dry run, since we may be making some fun cupcakes for Cookie's birthday this year instead of buying a cake.

Mouse Cupcakes

1 cake mix (any flavor you desire, we made chocolate)
24 cupcake liners
1 80z package of cream cheese (let sit at room temp. for 1/2 hr to soften)
1 tsp vanilla
2 cups of confectioner's sugar
1/4 cup of butter (room temp)
2 tbsp of cocoa powder
Chocolate rounds
black licorice
brown and pink candy coated chocolate
yogurt covered pretzels (pink if you can find them)
sprinkles (if only for more fun on your kid's part)

1. make cupcakes according to package. Let completely cool
2. Frosting: Mix the cream cheese and butter, until creamy. incorporate the vanilla and then add the sugar a little at a time until completely blended. Add cocoa powder.
3. Frost cupcakes (I just put the frosting in a Ziploc bag and cut the corner to make a pastry bag.
4. Decorate the cupcake to make ears, nose, eyes, and whiskers. Use the pretzels if you want a bow for your mouse. I could not find black rope licorice, so I bought some chocolate flavored twirl and cut it into strips.

No Taste, No Waist.

My life has always been centered around food. I was either eating too much, too little, or not good enough, according to my grandmother that is. Really what I was doing was eating too much and never healthy enough. I don't necessarily blame my parents. They always adhered to the government's food pyramid. One meat, one starch, and one vegetable on the dinner table. Unfortunately, we never really had that many fresh vegetables for dinner. While we had a lot of salad and corn on the cob, there was only canned green beans and peas, and frozen broccoli smothered in cheese. Nothing to inspire a love of veggies in a kid. In fact for the longest time I claimed to hate peas and green beans. It wasn't until I joined weight watchers and decided to give cooking and vegetables another go.

Starches consisted of some kind of potatoes or boxed rice and of course yummy pillsbury rolls. Now potatoes baked are healthy, but we smothered them in butter and cheese. Mashed potatoes...butter and milk (not from a box, thank goodness). Boxed scalloped potatoes and of course lots of Rice a Roni. I remember when I first brought hubby home for dinner, we fed him Minute Rice. He was appalled. Let's just say, a rice cooker was a wonderful gift to my parents years later. Weight Watchers changed most of that for me.....until Cookie that is. Now I get it. Boxed is quick, it's easy. There is hardly any thinking involved. But things around here must change.

Weight Watchers taught me a lot. And as I struggle to take off these post baby pounds, again, I am constantly trying to channel my old leader Char. She was awesome, one in a million, a true inspiration. So today at the gym I saw a girl wearing a t-shirt "No Taste, No Waist." I could picture Char adopting the saying and something in it hit a cord. We have been having some problems getting Cookie to eat...well at least eat healthy. What kid doesn't want cookies for breakfast and chocolate covered granola bars for lunch? While these things are great snacks, they have become food items Cookie is asking for constantly. I hate to be the food police with her, but sugar for breakfast and lunch is not acceptable. She has been refusing to eat. Meals have become a fight. And as a result of her not eating dinner and sometimes lunch, she is not sleeping well.

I get that this new food problem is about control. I am concerned that she is going to form food issues. As it stands our kid is anorexic. She has lost almost 2 pounds! Of course if I gave her nothing but sugary foods she'd eat it. But, I can not force her to eat. So instead I decided that I need to be a better example. I need to plan better. And I need to be a healthier eater for her. Weekly lunch and dinner's are now planned....fruit is included in breakfast and lunch. And vegetables are with dinner. I am forgoing those boxed rice and potato sides and making my own. Now that Jelly is older and a little bit more predictable (until she isn't, she's now rolling and almost crawling!!!!) I am able to plan better. We all get inspiration from many places and I have to say that the First Lady Michelle Obama inspired me to be a little more proactive in Cookie's food health. She talked about her kids gaining a bit of weight and little changes go a long way. So hopefully with some changes, Cookie will learn to eat healthy without knowing it.

I am in love with Hubby all over again

Let's be Frank, sometimes I don't like Hubby much, but this morning I was reminded why I fell in love with him. My Dad, who always had good intentions, was never the protective type. If one of us kids were "wronged" it was my Mom who became indignant. Mamma Bear reigned supreme in our household. Dad just seemed indifferent. Of course, not having an older brother, I did not get to experience the over protective big brother, who takes care of little sister either.

I think I would have loved to have some strong man to protect me. So the fact that my husband fulfills that role really makes me feel...all gooey inside. This morning, when that brother of the friend I mentioned in an earlier post made a rude comment regarding me on facebook (I have now deleted him as a friend completely, before I just blocked his updates)....my husband eloquently and pointedly told the jerk where he could take his comments. I was definitely turned on. It made me feel loved and respected, and beautiful. Hubby's ability to find some one's weakness and exploit it is truly a gift. His ability to say just the right thing to make someone cry is unfounded. So, when he uses said gift in my defense, when he protects me, I am overwhelmed.

So today I am reminded why I am in love with my husband.

I Am Being Stalked

I am being stalked. I am sure that some of you might remember the Mom who tends to shadow every place I enroll Cookie in. The mom that I love to hate. The "perfect" mom with the "perfect" kid. The Mom who smugly told me that "her daughter was just soooo excited about becoming a sister" when I voiced my problems with Cookie's sleep patterns when we first got Jelly Bean's crib and room set up.

Frankly, I am not sure why this mom rubs me the wrong way. Maybe a little jealousy at her ease of making friends in the activities I enrolled Cookie in, when I didn't. Maybe it was the condescending tone she used when I complimented her daughter's adorable hairdo. Maybe she is a little too much like me. Both of us seem to want to be in control and I might admit to maybe wanting to be a little center of attention. So maybe we just can not possibly be in the same group because both of us need to occupy the same title in a group setting and it just can not happen.

So imagine my surprise when I found out from another Mom (her very closest friend) in one of Cookie's "play" class that this Mom was considering the same preschool as we are. I mean, there are over 20 preschools in town, and she is considering the one that I love. The one that we are probably going to enroll Cookie in. While on the surface this might not seem too bad, but it might be. You see, the school is a co-op, and we are required to assist in the classroom. And it is a small school. They only enroll a total of 12 kids....so we would have to work together. I have in the past managed to befriend and work with my arch enemies because, well I had to. I was paid to. It was my career. So, for Cookie, I of course would do anything, be anything, and I will work with anyone for her. I will suck it up and learn to love this Mom. Maybe we could become friends....but I'm not holding my breath.

Stir Crazy Crafting

Last year about this time, I remember reading a post on the local Mom's site about a mother who felt she was going slowly insane playing play dough and painting over and over and over again to the point that if she had to sculpt one more play dough ball she was going to scream. She was begging us other mom's for other ideas on how to entertain her toddler during the winter....which always about this time, seems as if it has lasted forever and will never end.

Yes, the downside to living in a place with four seasons is the long winter days. The days where it is too cold, too wet, or too windy to venture outdoors with the little ones. The days that seem to last forever. I had responded to the mom with some suggestions on getting out and about or some new craft projects she could do, while sympathizing and agreeing with her.

Of course, like any public forum, there is always someone out there who disagrees with you, someone who likes to provoke discord. In this particular case, it was a woman who decided I should be eligible for the world's worst mother award for saying that I "felt the mother's pain" of bordom . While I wanted to respond, I knew that the posts back and forth would continue, so I took the high road and just told her that her comments were "meant to provoke" and that no further response would be coming. Other mothers jumped to my defense, but I was really angered by this person's comments, and decided to start blogging. While it took me a while to really start my own blog, the idea was planted....mostly because of my playgroup friends, but really I needed a place to put down my thoughts and vent.

So in honor of those housebound mom's who are feeling a bit stir crazy, the following project is for you. Cookie and I started making place mattes this year for Thanksgiving and now we haven't stopped. I had recalled sitting at my Grandmother's kitchen table as a little girl and eating on her place mattes. The one's she created from old greeting cards. I am not sure if they were actual cards she had received or cards she had acquired while working at the gift shop at a hospital, but I loved to look at them. I remembered them when wracking my brain trying to come up with new projects for Cookie and me to create this winter. The best thing is....you can make them to any theme you want. Lately we have just been printing out coloring pages from Cookie's favorite shows' websites. She colors them, I cut them out, she pastes them to a large piece of construction paper, and finally I cut and peel the contact paper and voila, place mattes that will please any toddler.

Place Matte

Items Needed:
Contact Paper Roll
Scissors
construction paper
Glue Stick
Crayons
Coloring Book pages (or any other themed pictures)

1. Color and then Cut out Color book pages
2. glue to Construction paper. Let Dry
3. Cut Contact Paper to Construction paper size, leaving an inch to two inches around edges. Cut two sheets. Start to peel paper off Contact paper, then place finished construction paper face down onto Contact paper (leaving about an inch edge) gradually peeling the contact paper and smoothing out. Do the same to the other side. Cut edges to be even.














Handy Manny, Yo Gabba Gabba, and Mickey Mouse and Friends. One of our Thanksgiving Mats. We cut out leaves and Cookie glued them down.















Christmas Card Mats. If you don't see yours then we got it after New Years.

Compassion or Hypocricy?

I was quite reluctant to start using Facebook at first. I was a little nervous about the privacy and maybe just a little reluctant to re-connect with some people. It does make it a little awkward when one is "friended" by someone they don't quite want to be friended by. For some it's their parents. Or maybe that old high school flame. For the most part it has been a fun experience for me. But I think I have really gotten to know some people's true feeling via the anonymity and the actual faceless nature of conversations. People who are more conservative than I knew, or more religious sometimes caught me off guard. And I did find it a little unnerving to re-connect with the parents of some of my friends, which may border on the creepy depending on whom we're talking about.

There is one person whom "friended" me that at the time I thought was a little weird, since we never quite got along. A person who I thought was kinda a jerk growing up. It was my friend's older brother. On the outside it seemed like he finally had gotten his act together. He is married with two daughters. He seemed to have found God and Jesus and I was hoping a less than A-hole character that he had as a teen. That maybe he had turned around. But, he still makes the same off color comments, the same rude, racist, and sexist remarks that make me cringe. So, today, I am turning him off. Usually I can tune these people out, but yesterday I had it.

Here's the thing, his comments yesterday were not sexist, or even racist, I think they were just cold hearted and political and it made me sick. He was pissed off that the United States, IE: Obama, was promising to send $100 million in aid to Haiti. I know that his reasoning is sound. Yes the United States is in a hole so big, that even black holes in space have hole envy. I know that unemployment and the economy here in the States is dire. That the fact that more and more people are facing homelessness and poverty is astronomical. The idea that we even have $100 million to send is ridiculous....but just the same. We are talking about the Western Hemisphere's poorest nation. These are people who have little to nothing and now nature has come and smacked them down. I believe that before nationality, before race, or sex, we as a people must help each other. The people of Haiti have no food, no water, no electricity. Their government has been broken, the people who are trained to help have either been hurt themselves or are dealing with their own losses. Our country and our people have the resources and the ability to help and we should. We would hope and pray the same kind of compassion for our own...which we failed to do after Hurricane Katrina.

But I remember the 1994 earthquake in California. I remember sleeping in the tent outside the house because we were too scared to go in. I remember going to the stores to stand in line for milk and bread. We were out electricity and water for two days. I can only imagine the feeling of the people in Haiti to be ten fold of what we felt. But I remember my Dad rushing in to my brother's room as he was leaving for work when the quake hit to protect and cover him. I remember the apartment building in the Valley crushing and killing people. The 5 freeway collapsing. I remember the fear. I may not be religious, but I know that the Bible, the Koran, and the Torah all teach compassion and alms giving. The Hypocrisy of the people shouting to take care of our own while quoting the Bible is not wasted on me. We must take care of each other, no matter who we are or where we live. As a mother, I can not watch the news and hear more and more stories of children stuck in the rubble. I can no longer watch the desolation and desperation on the faces of other mothers. If that was one of my girls, I would hope that someone out there, with the resources I needed to rescue them. I am fortunate to live in the United States, where when Balloon Boy is reported flying over the county, that the government can deploy the National Guard to help.

Maybe I shouldn't judge other people's sense of morality.

The Saboteur

I have been a weight watcher now for almost ten years. It is hard to believe it has been that long since my first journey to losing weight. And I mean really truly losing weight and working to understand my "food" issues. Because they are big.

One of my biggest problems is "the saboteur." The person who always works to ruin my resolve. The person who buys the chocolate chips because, "we might need to make cookies" or the person who has to eat the whole thing because "it would just be wasteful to throw out food". Yes, the saboteur. I hate the saboteur. Today when Cookie announced upon waking up that she wanted to "make cookies." The saboteur said, "Yes, let's make cookies." And the saboteur was thinking, "she asked so nicely and with such a smile, how can I say no."

Yes, I confess, I am the saboteur. I am my worst enemy. I continually make excuses. What is so sad is that I thought I conquered the saboteur. I thought I slayed her almost ten years ago on my first weight loss journey. But apparently I only locked the saboteur in the closet and forgot to throw away the key. Well no more, the saboteur must be stopped. She must be quieted. There is that old saying, "A moment on the lips a lifetime on the hips." But I prefer to remind myself of what I learned in one of my WW meetings. The food is not going to serve me any better in my stomach than in the trash. It is actually more wasteful for me to consume the food and then have to work it off than tossing it.

I don't believe in New Year's resolutions, but I do believe in making promises to oneself. When I first decided that I no longer wanted to be overweight, I took weight loss in small steps. First, I resolved to exercise and make it a habit. Once that was done and gym membership bought, the next step was to start eating right. That is when I joined Weight Watchers. I then resolved to fit into a certain pair of jeans, then, I wanted to be able to shop at Ann Taylor and be able to pick anything and look good. Once that was accomplished the rest was easy. Unfortunately I am back to square one, and really lacking some motivation. Yes, I hate how my body looks. Yes, I hate that extra roll that appeared with baby number two and is not going down. But having two kids makes me want to eat chocolate and sugar......all the time! Maybe once I can have caffeine that jolt that the sugar gives me will be replaced.

Anyway, I have made the first step by rejoining the gym and going no matter what twice a week...which I think I need to increase to at least 3 days. My next step is to eat more healthy. I have gotten away from that. It really is not that hard, I have just gotten lazy. But first, The Saboteur must be stopped!

Potato and Corn Bacon Chowder

Being a Stay At Home Mom has allowed me to hone my cooking skills. No offense Mom, but, I really didn't learn too much about cooking growing up. Sure Mom showed me how to measure and how to follow a recipe, but cooking really has been a learning process with me. I am lucky in the fact that Hubby is generally great at everything and that includes cooking and baking and sewing. He can mend rings around me. So, in the process of learning to cook, hubby has really been patient and has given some helpful tips.

What is amazing is that even though hubby is the better cook, I have taken up the cooking reigns around our home. I guess that comes with being "Suzie Homemaker." A title I have come to love and hate. Anyway per the suggestion of hubby many moons ago, I turned to allrecipies.com in order to find some new stuff to cook. I guess hubby was just tired of the three things my Mom taught me to cook: Spaghetti, beef stroganoff, and pot roast. So my Potato Bacon Chowder is actually a recipe I improved upon one day while staying at my Mom's. My Dad had asked me to make something for dinner, so I made a shrimp Mac n Cheese and the following Chowder both inspired by allrecipies, but I think improved upon by me. What really makes the following so good, is the addition of the cream corn (a result of not having an item the recipe originally called for.)

Potato and Corn Bacon Chowder

2-3 cups of peeled, cubed potatoes (any kind)
1-2 cups of water
8 bacon strips
1 cup chopped onion
1/2 cup chopped celery
1/2 cup carrot peeled and chopped
1 (10.75 oz.) can condensed cream of ckn soup
1 can of cream corn
1 cup milk (approx. I just pour the milk into the emptied cream of ckn soup can for measure)
1 cup of sour cream
1/2 tsp salt
pepper to taste
1 tbsp minced parsley (optional)

1. In a large soup pot, cook the potatoes in the water. (use enough to just cover, then add about
1/2 a cup more).

2. Meanwhile cook the bacon in a skillet until crisp; remove to paper towels to drain. In same
skillet, saute onion, celery, and carrot in the drippings until tender, drain.

3. Add the onion, celery, and carrot to the undrained potatoes. Stir in the soup, corn, milk,
sour cream, salt and pepper. Cook over a low heat to simmer until the soup reaches a
consistancy you like. (I love to simmer this down to a nice thick chowder, where the
potatoes are really creamy. Usually at least 2 hours. But you can even cook for about 30 min
and then enjoy).

4. Crumble in half the bacon and stir into the soup along w/ the parsley if so desired. Sprinkle
the rest of the bacon over the top of each bowl.

Guilty feeling

Went to the gym today and was feeling pretty good about it. But have you ever had that niggling feeling in the back of your head that you forgot something or something is wrong? Call it woman's intuition or whatever, but I sometimes get those feeling. And often I ignore them. I usually dismiss that feeling as my paranoia or silly worry worting (I made a new word so sue me.) Unfortunately my "feeling" is usually dead spot on. I could give examples, but that would be a huge digression.

The first time I went to the gym, I dragged my phone around with me. Fearful that Hubby would need to call me in regards to a screaming kid, thus ending my trips to the gym. But no such event happened and I started leaving it in the car. Here was my thinking. I once had my gym locker broken into, and so now I never leave anything but the car keys, which is ridiculous because they could just go outside and steal the car, but at least that's insured. I also figured if anything was really wrong and he couldn't get me on the cell, he'd call the gym and have me paged or found or something.

I forgot one thing, Hubby tends to loose all sort of brain function when there is a crying baby. He literally shuts down and can not think straight. I think we have all been there...but he is especially prone to this phenomenon. So, of course today, Jelly Bean woke about 30 minutes after I left and was "starving" (which was crazy because I had only fed her an hour before). Hubby text messaged me asking if the milk I had frozen in the freezer was still good, and of course I had missed the text. What gets me is that I have fresh milk in the fridge, did he not look in the fridge? So about 45 minutes after the text, I called him back and said that there was milk in the fridge. By the time I got home, Jelly was still crying and hubby was beside himself, trying to feed her from a bottle with a nipple and a top that did not fit together. Of course I was left feeling pretty guilty.

But in the end, much of this debacle is Hubby's fault. First of all, why did he not think to look in the fridge? Second it is his fault really that Jelly will not take a bottle. He refused to feed her from one at the beginning and she would not take one when I held her. Third, why didn't he just give her rice cereal? Really no imagination whatsoever.

However, that mother's guilt leaves me blaming myself. I was stupid to leave the phone in the car. I had that feeling today when I left it there. I even thought, "maybe I should bring it." On the drive over to the gym I also thought, "Hubby knows there's milk in the fridge right? He would know to just give her cereal, right?" Ohh I should have told him.

As a result, Jelly cried for a good hour. She went hungry for all of an hour and a half, but was eventually fed and was happy. Oh, and Hubby gave me the silent treatment for an hour. But I still feel guilty like I should have known.

Why don't I keep Chocolate in the house?

After consuming a bag of semi-sweet chocolate chips I had resolved to stop keeping chocolate in the house. It is just too tempting and too dangerous. Of course this resolution happens to coincide with return of Aunt Flo. So after desperately searching my pantry high and low for that chocolate fix....leaving me wondering "why the hell don't I keep chocolate in the house?" I remembered my little niggling resolution and the embarrassing consumption of the bag (okay two of them...not in one sitting thank you....over a period of a week).

But really I was desperate for chocolate and couldn't figure out why...when that lovely monthly visitor returned after a little over a year absence. I've been wondering when she'd return. I've been dreading it. But I should have known. The night sweats are back in force and I've been quite bitchy all week. Not to mention the short lived cleaning spurt. So why don't I keep chocolate in the house. I just can't say no. I even went so far as to bake a cake, although a lemon cake, in a failed attempt to feed my craving. While this sugary confection choice kept me from consuming an entire cake in two days, it has not curbed me from eating it.

I must confess I caved and bought myself a chocolate bar. But not just any chocolate, I bought Godiva milk chocolate. I know most people prefer dark chocolate, and it's supposed to be better for you, but I love milk chocolate. Under normal circumstances, I may have eaten the thing quickly. However, I had to hide eating it from Cookie, not because I didn't want her having chocolate, because I didn't want to share. Thank heavens for the chocolate at the checkout stand at Kohl's...otherwise I was a little afraid I was going to turn to the baking chocolate.

Christmas rocks

Okay, I am not religious. I have serious questions about God, about Jesus as the savior, and pretty much any other religious belief that exists out there. But I must admit, I have taken the Christ out of Christmas. I love Christmas. In my house we celebrate the season of giving, Santa, and the gift of winter. For Easter, I tell Charlotte that we are celebrating Spring and all it has to offer, and the Easter Bunny of course. So maybe just maybe I will need to do a little educating about the holidays, but I can't seriously stick to just plain Jesus. My history background forces me, no guides me into seeing the whole truth of the celebrations we know today. So the syncretism of the birth of Jesus, with the druid beliefs in the Winter Solstice, with the Roman and Greek Gods is something I can not get past. But, I still love Christmas.

I love the lights, the smells, the trees, the gingerbread men, the secret gift hiding, the baking, the cooking, the drinking, and even the crazy shopping. When I taught school, I used to decorate my classroom for winter. I had snowmen and gingerbread men, and snowflakes. I also threw in a Christmas tree and a Menorah on the Calendar. While I have serious issues with the Roman Catholic Church, I must recognize their canny ability to create great holidays by combining all the fun things from other religions with theirs. What great salesmen and how do I hire them? Who doesn't love the Christmas tree, candles, and good food. Not to mention a Saint who brings presents. I love Christmas.

I especially love seeing Cookie excited about Christmas. We may have to work on teaching her how not to be so greedy since she keeps adding toys to her list of things she wants. I really stuck to a budget this year and was proud of how I was able to stop buying, even though a bed tent, more train tracks, a Sesame Street Shirt, an Abbey doll and much more were asked for and not bought. But it will be an exciting Christmas morning. She has already begun the shifting through of gifts and seeing how many she has verses her sister. ( my favorite past time). She likes to guess what is in them, and generally Christmas can not come too soon for her. Ohh yes, I love Christmas, and so does Cookie.

Christmas Rocks

I am a new woman

Those of us who have had the joy of pregnancy know that an amazing thing happens post pardon. The hair fall out. All that beautiful pregnancy hair begins to fall out in clumps. It clogs the drains, the vacuum, and gets into just about everything. For Thanksgiving, I made sure to braid my hair and wear a bandanna to keep from getting hair in any of the food. ( which caused one of those OHHH GOD!!!! I'm my Mother moments). And not only is there the massive hair loss, but the massive hair damage from all of those hair ties and clips one puts their hair up in to keep out of the way post baby. Really, with a new born, who has time to do their hair, let alone brush their teeth? So now four months later, things have calmed down, we have established a nice routine, and I am ready to get my body back.

My lovely wonderful neighbor offered to watch Cookie one day last week, so I dropped Cookie off, told hubby that Jelly Bean was being left with him and I was going to get a hair cut. Jelly is napping pretty good now, plus she is no longer eating every two hours, so it was time for Hubby and Jelly to bond a little. Now, I can never really tell if something will pan out or not, so I did not make a hair appointment. Instead, I just showed up at a random hair salon as a walk in. And I am a new woman. It is amazing how just a little hair cut and an hour will do to one's Psyche. Hubby saw how much it helped my "attitude" that he went and got me signed up at the gym and told me to take some time each week to go, that he could work it out and give me some time.

So, not only do I have a nice new hair cut, but I have been the gym twice this week. Even though I am tired, I still feel great. I really really really missed the gym the last two years. I like it so much, I even love the drive to and from the gym. A quiet car ride without a talking, crying, or screaming kid is heaven. I am a new woman......now I just have to work on eating a little healthier and I am there.

Santa Arts and Craft Bag

Here is a fun arts and crafts project Cookie and I did together. All you need is some tacky glue, red and pink construction paper, a plain gift bag (white or brown will work), a pair of googly eyes, a glue stick, and cotton balls.



First, cut out a rectangular piece of the red construction paper and glue it to the top part of the bag. Cookie was able to put the glue down and then help me put the paper down.















Then glue a cotton ball at the top right hand corner of the red. I placed a dollop of the tacky glue to the spot and had Cookie put the cotton ball on it. I then drew a circle where the Santa face should be and glued on the eyes.














Finally glue the cotton balls around the face for a beard and hair. Cut out a pink circle for a nose and glue down.














Now you have a cute Santa bag to put handmade goodies in for gifts or a nice centerpiece at your Christmas table.

Banana Apple Bread

If you like Banana bread this is a sure thing recipe. I found it years ago and make it often. Hubby often complains when I make it because he is not that big of a banana fan, so I started adding the applesauce as a way to make it less banana-y. You can add more bananas and eliminate the applesauce, or reduce the bananas and add more applesauce. Below is the recipe I prefer, but feel free to change it up. I would love to include a picture, which I actually took, and it came out great, but I have been having some issues uploading the images fromt he camera to the computer. But trust me, this is a good recipe.

Ingredients
2 bananas
1/2 cup of unsweetened applesauce (I just use one of the individualized cups)
1/3 cup of butter melted
1 egg, beaten
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp vanilla
1 cup sugar
1 1/2 cups flour
1 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp nutmeg
dash of salt
1 tbsp of raw or turbano sugar

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees
2. Mix bananas and applesauce together. Add the melted butter, beaten egg, baking soda, and
vanilla.Mix well. ( I just put all in my mixer and set at low as I add)
3. Mix in Sugar and then flour a half cup at a time.
4, Add the salt, cinnamon and nutmeg. Mix
5.Pour into a greased bread pan, or into a cupcake tin w/ liners. sprinkle the raw or turbano
sugar over the top. (Hubby loves to just eat the tops of the muffins when I make them that
way)
6. Bake 1 hour at 375 degrees or until a toothpick inserted in center comes out clean (I actually
use a spaghetti noodle, as they are cheap, whereas toothpicks are expensive.)

Christmas Traditions

The one neat thing about marriage, is the blending of traditions of two families. I am sure that forming one's own family traditions can be filled with some head butting between husband and wife. I have friends who have struggled to accept some of their husband's family's traditions. Like trimming the tree on Christmas Eve instead of sometime in early December. Real vs. Fake, Flocked or unflocked...Or even the argument about what to have for Christmas dinner.

I guess I am lucky, Hubby's family really has no Christmas traditions. So, for the most part, anything I suggest is accepted by hubby. Open one gift on Christmas Eve (pajamas), trim the tree and put up lights the day after Thanksgiving, (only if Hubby is up to it), a toothbrush in the stocking (he's lukewarm to this). Christmas cut out cookies.....made and eaten in two days. These traditions leave me feeling all warm and fuzzy. Maybe it's because my parents really made an effort to make the season special. But a house full of Christmas decorations and cookies really stands out in my mind.

Hubby admitted to me that he has really enjoys the fact that I have made it a priority in providing the kids with wonderful, warm, traditions . It's nice to see Cookie, for the first time really really excited about Christmas. While at the drug store, I noticed that they had Advent Calendars. The old school German kind, the kind I had as a kid. The kind with the really cheap chocolate. The pictures are exactly the same as when I had them too. So, of course, I had to buy one for Cookie. Every morning, since December 1st, the first words out of her mouth is, "may I please open a new door." to her calendar. Of course her excitement is for the chocolate, but watching her allows me to recall all those feelings of love and happiness that I had as a kid. I am hopeful that she, too, will look back to her childhood with the same warm feelings.

Each year, my Mom also bought each of us kids a new ornament for the tree. When I moved to Colorado, I brought all those ornaments with me. For the last four years, as I have decorated our tree, I have been able to recall little pieces of each Christmas in my childhood. So I have carried on the same tradition with my children. Starting with Cookie's first Christmas. I found silver picture frame ornaments on clearance and bought 18 of them. I think they were about $2 each. So, each Christmas I have the year engraved and put a picture of Cookie in one. I have enough to last until she reaches 18. Now I am searching the stores to buy 18 similar ornaments for Jelly Bean. My plan is to have two ornaments for each of the girls, the picture frame, and a special one that represents something that reminds me of each one for the year. This year I bought Cookie a Thomas the Train Engine ornament. Jelly got a Baby's First Christmas.

Traditions are really those comforting things we do to remind ourselves what is important. Whether it is eating dirty rice at Thanksgiving (as our friends do), watching home movies Christmas Eve, or trimming the Christmas tree with a special tree topper, traditions should give each of us the feeling of home.

Lovely Lemon Bar Cookies

So I am participating in a Cookie exchange over at EvolvingMommy.com .





The good thing about this cookie exchange, is that it is only a recipe exchange, so you don't have to eat a bunch of cookies, you only have to read about all of these yummy recipes and then avoid making them. Almost impossible I know. I am already contemplating and thinking about the ones I have already read about. So here is my recipe stolen /borrowed from one of my favorite authors, Hannah Swenson. I just love those food/mystery books that provide the lovely recipes in the back of the books. If you ever want food inspiration and something nice to curl up with, I suggest either Joanna Fluke or Hannah Swenson. I made this recipe a couple years ago when I thought it was smart to avoid making anything chocolate, for fear of consuming the whole batch in just a day. I dare you to avoid eating more than one.

Lovely Lemon Bar Cookies

2 cups flour
1 cup cold butter (2 sticks)
1/2 cup of powdered sugar

4 eggs beaten
2 cups white sugar
8 tbsp lemon juice (1 cup)
1 tsp of lemon zest (optional)
1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp baking powder
4 tbsp flour (1/4 cup)

1. Preheat Oven to 350 rack in middle position
2. Cut each stick of butter into eight pieces. Mix with flour and the powdered sugar in a food processor until it looks like coarse cornmeal. Spread it out in a greased 9 x 13 in pan and pat it down with your hands
3. Bake at 350 degrees for 15 to 20 minutes or until golden around the edges. Remove from oven (LEAVE OVEN ON!!)
4. Mix your eggs with white sugar. Add lemon juice (and zest if you so wish). Add salt and
baking powder and mix. Then add flour and mix thoroughly. (will be runny).
5. Pour this mixture on top of the pan you just baked and stick it back in the oven. Bake at 350
degrees for another 30-35 minutes. Then remove from oven and sprinkle on additional
powdered sugar.
6. Let it cool thoroughly and cut into brownie-sized bars.

Hope you enjoy!

http://www.spiceymom.blogspot.com/?zx=d91e29a4c2cdb95c

Picture Perfect

Have you ever tried to get the perfect picture? I mean we all know that it is close to impossible at the DMV or a school picture. But is it too much to ask for one perfect picture of both my kids together? I would love love love, to have one where they are both smiling, both are in cute little outfits, and both are in the most adorable pose.

While in L.A. my sister and I got the kids together for a cousins picture. We even managed to match the kids in Christmas outfits. We made sure to feed them before said picture. So when it came time for picture time, my dear Cookie decided that she just was not going to cooperate. She would not wear that dress, she did not want to put on that shirt, and those socks were just awful. A full blown tantrum ensued. Of course my sister, whose two kids were the picture of perfect behavior (for once), was trying to rationalise with her. And any of you who have or have had a 2 year old knows that this is impossible. Needless to say, I strong armed Cookie into her matching clothes. The pictures actually turned out okay, but I really wanted one with my two girls and Cookie did not cooperate. Her blankie, better known as "Neh Neh" was pushed up to her mouth and nose in every one. I guess they were so bad that the picture lady didn't even show it to me...although I probably would have bought it.

So with the holidays looming I have been trying and failing to get a good picture of the kids together for holiday cards. Cookie has decided that she loves her Dora nightie and only wants to wear it. This obsession (maybe she gets this from her dad) is so bad that leaving the house has become a fight. Her not wanting to leave because it would mean taking off her Dora, me pulling the thing off amidst tears and screams. Now normally I would just let her wear it out, but it is ten degrees out and the nightie is thin short sleeved polyester. So every time I even mention that I would like a nice picture of her and sister in front of the tree in their Christmas outfits, tears appear.

I am wondering if I will ever get that picture. I also tried getting one with Santa....let's just say tears from both girls and no picture. I even had managed to convince Cookie to wear something different...a matching outfit with sister. So I have included the picture I managed to take of the kids together. Picture Perfect? More like Picture acceptable.

Thanksgiving

This is the second Thanksgiving I have ever spent away from my Mom. The first was years ago, when Hubby's (then boyfriend) Mom invited me to meet them and spend Thanksgiving with them. That Thanksgiving was full of nervous anticipation. It was also a little weird.

First of all, my in-laws are not from the United States, they are Korean. So the fact that my Mother in Law cooked me a Thanksgiving meal really meant a lot. According to hubby, they never had Thanksgiving dinner. It was a little awkward, as my Korean is subpar, their English is heavily accented, and my future brother in law also brought his girlfriend (whom the parents had never met, also). There were not enough regular chairs, they had to bring out a stool from the garage and an office chair. Also of interest was the addition of Kim Chee, white rice, and pickles to the feast. It was also the first time I had ever had mashed potatoes out of a box (if you discount school lunches). So, first Thanksgiving away was weird, but I really hit it off with my future mother in law.

This Thanksgiving, hubby and I decided to stay home instead of flying to L.A. The last three years we have traveled and it was really, really stressful. The first year because of the dog. The second and third because we had Cookie. There were so many obligations to meet with family and friends that Cookie and us really were stressed. So this year, with two kids, we opted out for the Thanksgiving travel.

We invited some wonderful friends for dinner. They spent last Christmas with us, and we had a great time and so did the kids. I enjoyed being able to cook for them too. Our friends are expecting their third child and the wife had to work until 4:00. So the idea of being able to give them a break was fulfilling. Not to mention that my dinner turned out great. I like to give that credit to my Mom for showing me how it is done after all these years, yes I did learn something.

While we had the traditional Turkey, and stuffing. I strayed a little from my Mom's Thanksgiving meals. I made the Yams and Cranberry Sauce (which I forgot to put out) and I made carrots instead of green bean casserole. I also got to enjoy our friend's tradition of "dirty" rice. The kids had a great time playing, they even ate a little.

But a blog that I really did not mean to be about me turned into that. Really it is about an old friend of mine, whose Sister In Law suffered a horrendous car accident. She has four children and each day is touch and go. And as we enjoyed our Thanksgiving dinner and watched the kids play, I realized how lucky I was. My friend's family is suffering one of my worst fears. My first fear is of course losing one of my children. The second is losing my husband or dying myself and leaving my kids without a parent...or worse both of us. After having Cookie, I suffered a little post pardem, besides the slight depression I had horrible fantasies of my husband dying. These fantasies were paralyzing. I think making friends and connections in town finally brought me out of that dark place, but this one family is facing a long and dark road. So as I have been putting together Cookie's Christmas gifts, a thought occurred to me. This mother who is lying in the hospital most likely had been putting together her list for her kids. A list that will not be fulfilled. I can imagine what agony it is for that mother to think that her kids might lose her, to think that forever their Christmas's might be blighted by mommy's injury. I contacted my friend and asked if I could buy the kids some gifts so that they would not wake up Christmas morning without gifts. So that their mom can concentrate on recovery and not her children's Christmas. I know that if it was my children I would want them to have some sort of Christmas, to see Santa at work, to let them know that they are not forgotten. This year I am Thankful for our health and good fortune. I am thankful that I can afford to offer this family something. I am hopeful that mother will recover and be able to embrace her children for Christmas.

Short lived Obsession

My husband is a bit fickle. That is, he's fickle when it comes to his obsessions. He has this habit of falling in love with some sport or activity to the point of obsession, but for short bursts of time. Okay, maybe a couple years is not so short a time, but it is when it means obtaining a plethora of equipment.

Of course each of his obsessions cost a heady sum. First there was paintball. When I met my husband....oh 15 years ago, he was really into paintball. Many a times we would end up at the paintball store. He talked of nothing but paintball. Obtaining the newest, coolest paintball gun.

Scuba Diving. This obsession included the wet suit (two), tanks, vest, dive computer, knife, net, spear, flippers, bag, goggles, and not to be forgotten the boat. He actually bought a boat with a friend.

Next was bowling. He spent hours upon hour at the bowling alley. Equipment tally: 5 bowling balls....plus one for me and a pair of shoes. Okay, the bowling thing was fun and it is nice to not have to borrow the yucky alley shoes and have a ball that is comfortable.

My not so favorite was RC cars. There was a constant cache of parts everywhere in our tiny 900 square foot apartment. He had to have tho cars, parts, gas, oil, parts box, folding table for the RC driving ventures. Specific comfortable clothing. Yes, the list can go on. There was constant fixing, oiling, testing, and cursing.

An attempt at snowboarding, where not only did he get a snazzy new board, boots, jacket, pants, and goggles, he bought me a board and boots. But this did not last long. First, it took forever to get to any skiing (while living in both CA. and CO.) Second, I ended up hating it. Third, I got pregnant soon after moving to Colorado and the idea of him leaving for ski trips was not popular with me.

Cycling. This sport I love. He got into shape and it gave him an outlet for some of the pent up frustrations he tends to harbor and hold inside. Bonus was that it became a way for us as a family to get out together. We were able to take Cookie in the trailer and go all around town. Cycling has morphed into a great sport, exercise, and challenge for him. He has entered and participated in two tri-athelons and now has taken up mountain biking. This venture has also allowed him to make friends and meet new people.

I have been wondering when the new obsession would come to pass, and it has happened. He has decided that he wants to go camping. While on vacation in L.A. him and a buddy went camping. So now he needs all kinds of new gear. Tent, sleeping bags (yes I said bags, as in more than one.), stove, flashlights, food, hand gel, etc. etc.

I just laugh at his many many obsessions. Because when he find a new one, he is like our two year old with a new toy. He lives, eats, and breaths it. And I must admit, while the spending of the money drives me crazy, he could be doing a whole lot worse with his time and money.

Mentor

Sometimes it takes just one person to really change the course of your life. Sometimes it takes just one person to take the time to take you under their wing for you to succeed. When I first started taking classes at CSUN, I was a bit lost. I did not know how to write historically, I did not know what kind of history I really wanted to study, and I did not know how the system really worked. I was lucky though, my professors were awesome. Each taking a special interest in my studies. One professor in particular took the extra care to encourage me to apply for scholarship after scholarship, writing letters of recommendation, and I believe influencing some of the panels deciding who was awarded. Without his help, I would have struggled to pay for college. With his help, I finished, debt free.

Today, I received the History Department newsletter. It was a bittersweet read. My Master's teacher, Dr. Andrews has moved back to Colorado and is now a professor at the University of Colorado, Denver. This move thrills me, as he is now close, and maybe, just maybe, I can take one or two classes with him to meet the requirements to renew my teaching credential. Plus, he was a wonderful mentor and teacher. Bittersweet, because after being momentarily elated of this news, I read on the next page that my former professor, Dr. Gerald Prescott had died. So I am a little saddened at the loss of a great man, a great historian, and a great mentor. Because of Dr. Prescott, I learned to write, to view the history of the West differently, and I finished school. I am not sure he realized how many students he must have influenced, but I know that I was at least afforded the opportunity to tell him how great he was a few years back.

Both of these teachers are examples of what teachers should be. They remind me as to why I became a teacher, as to why I one day, would like to go back to my career. Everyone in their life should be so lucky to have had a wonderful mentor, let alone two. So in this week of Thanksgiving, I am thankful to these two men and the countless other teachers out there.

Dr. Magoo

Anyone who knows me, knows that I recently visited my family and friends in California. Of course it was a trip anxiously anticipated by Cookie. A visit to Nana, playing with Slugger (Nana's dog), seeing the cousins, and a visit to Sea World. Hubby loves this annual trip because he gets a break from it all. The wife, the kids, and for the most part work. He gets to hang with his best bud and detox from the craziness that is our home. I get to see my friends and family, and get a little break with some help from Mom. Or that was the plan. On this trip my poor little babies both got sick this vacation.

Normally Cookie getting sick does not cause me much concern, other than the normal feel really bad for her and horrible that I can't do much to make it go away. But with the swine flu going around I was more worried than normal. I have a firm belief that if Cookie was to get the H1N1, she would weather it just fine. It is Jelly Bean that worries me the most, being so little.
So normally I would not panic. However, things were different.

1. I was not at home, near my doctor, who knows my kids.
2. My husband was not there to keep me sane. I mean he was a phone call away and would have come if I really needed him, but not having him there at two a.m. when Cookie is crying and holding her head while Jelly Bean wakes up was stressful.
3. I had my Mom feeding the panic. In her defense the memory of a 3 day hospital stay for my brother when he was three and had the croup trumps all sense of calm.
4. I had all of these horrible visions of not being able to get home or take Cookie to Sea World like we had promised.

So, I ended up taking the kids to my Mom's doctor's office, on two different occasions. The group has two pediatricians. On the first visit, Cookie was "ill". Of course she makes a total liar out of me, her fever by ten a.m. had gone down to 100 and she was dancing and singing. The doctor she saw seemed competent enough. He reminded me of a cartoon character with a bushy moustache. For some reason I kept picturing Sylvester the Cat. He made Donald Duck sounds and bird noises. Diagnosis, Charlotte was fine, had a bug or something. His answer, give me the H1N1 vaccine so Jelly could get the immunities through me. Okay, positive note, score one more vaccine for Colorado, one less for California.

Three days later Jelly Bean came down with the bug. another sleepless night and a return to the doctor's office. This time we see the other doctor. I will refer to him as Dr. Magoo. His nurse wrote everything down on a Post It. And when Dr. Magoo deemed to lumber into the room, he really had no clue whom he was seeing. I told him Jelly Bean's symptoms, which were far worse than Cookie's were. He kept referring to her as "Baby". "Ohhh hello Baby," he addressed her and then proceeded to almost drop her! Hubby and I kept looking at each other with the questioning look, "did he just drop our baby?" We left very confused, $30 lighter, and not really sure whether or not to trust Dr. Magoo's diagnosis of, "it's not the Swine flu."

Our little trip made me really appreciate our doctor, her nurses, and her staff. Jelly is still congested and has since seen our doctor, giving me the relief I was looking for.